Alternate Reality

Apple and AT&T Renew Their Vows During Raunchy Vegas Romp

Just when you thought they were over, Apple and AT&T have reportedly reconciled. The hot power-couple was spotted renewing vows and getting naughty during a sex-filled weekend in Vegas.

By (@JRRaphael)

February 12, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Despite rumors of a brewing nasty breakup, it now appears celebrity power-couple Apple and AT&T is anything but over.

Tabloids had long predicted the hot couple — dubbed “ATple,” in a highly clever combination of the names — was on the verge of heading to Splitsville.

“There’s now a real possibility that the [relationship] might come to an end,” the rumor-hounds at Mashable reported late last year.

“It’s almost inevitable,” the juicy gossip rag added just days ago.

The hype surrounding this hot Hollywood hookup is hard to avoid. All over the Web, celeb-obsessed bloggers have long analyzed the odd relationship between the elitist but highly sought-after Apple and the brooding and universally hated AT&T. Even mainstream publications have openly attacked the lust-fueled liason, calling for “an open marriage” that’d bring the couple’s infamous public feuding to an end. Apple’s on-again, off-again affair with musician and acclaimed douchebag John Mayer has only fueled the speculation surrounding the spicy pair’s supposed split.

Now, though, sources say Apple has ended its extramarital activities and recommitted itself to AT&T. Insiders report seeing the two lip-locked at a Criss Angel show in Las Vegas Thursday night. The couple is apparently spending the Valentine’s Day weekend in Sin City to reignite their romance and renew their vows. Witnesses reported seeing AT&T at L.A.’s Hustler Hollywood Store days earlier buying crotchless panties and what appeared to be an extra-large set of anal beads. The authenticity of alleged photographic evidence (pictured at left), however, could not be verified.

“From an emotional perspective, I think there’s no question they’ve both been abusive and abused,” said one source, who wished to remain anonymous. “And that’s not even counting the debauchery I’ve heard goes on in their bedroom — that Apple is into some weird shit,” he added.

With Apple back in AT&T’s arms and John Mayer’s penis joining the KKK, the romance the world’s been watching may finally see its fairytale ending. Stay tuned.

NEXT: Gagging on Google! Will America’s most iconic bachelor ever stop its slutty ways?

PLUS: Microsoft and Yahoo! Their sex-filled secrets EXPOSED! You won’t believe what we’ve discovered.

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