Alternate Reality

When Famous People Tweet in Haiku

Now that Sun CEO Jonathan Schwartz has resigned via Twitter Haiku, we expect Tiger Woods, Steve Jobs, Sarah Palin, and Kanye West to start Haikuing too. Here’s what it might look like.

By (@eSarcasm)

February 5, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

You’ve got to hand it to Jonathan Schwartz. The (now former) CEO of Sun Microcomputer turned in his resignation today in a manner truly befitting the modern high tech exec: on Twitter, via haiku:

Financial crisis
Stalled too many customers
CEO no more

We see a trend here. Within a few short years, we predict all technocrats will be communicating exclusively via haiku. In fact, it will probably look something like this:

Michael Arrington

My bloated ego
Murdered my beloved CrunchPad
Hey JooJoo: Screw you

MORE PHANTOM TEXT HERE

Guy Kawasaki

Tweet haiku; how cool
I may send out fifty-five
Without writing one

Perez Hilton

Even beauty queens
Deserve some respect. Unless
They’re Carrie Prejean

MORE PHANTOM TEXT HERE

Sergey Brin

China: Suck my balls
Google is better than you
Though your Moo Goo’s good.

Bill Gates

More money than God
Yet I still don’t have a clue
How to put on pants

MORE PHANTOM TEXT HERE

Tom Anderson

MySpace was your space
Then you left me for Facebook
Your profiles all sucked

Tiger Woods

So many women
But after alimony
I’m the one who’s fucked

MORE PHANTOM TEXT HERE

Biz Stone

Ah, the irony
My name, for Christ’s sake, is Biz
Where’s my Bizness plan?

Steve Jobs

Why yes, it is true
I am a God among men
Thanks for noticing

MORE PHANTOM TEXT HERE

Kanye West

Yes, I know it’s true
I am the world’s biggest douche
But I’m also rich

Sarah Palin

From my backyard I
Can see Russia. Even with
My head up my ass

Twitter Over Tokyo image courtesy of InventorSpot






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Comments

  • Chris

    Just curious… whats the purpose of this phantom text? lol noticed while for no reason highlighting over article…

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      hmmm. phantom text? really? we think maybe you've watched “paranormal activity” one time too many, my friend.

  • Chris

    Just curious… whats the purpose of this phantom text? lol noticed while for no reason highlighting over article…

  • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

    hmmm. phantom text? really? we think maybe you've watched “paranormal activity” one time too many, my friend.