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The Super Bowl Ads They Don’t Want You to See

The networks call them objectionable; we think they’re delectable. Here are our picks for the best banned Super Bowl ads of all time. Prepare for farting, man-on-man snarfling, and asparagus love.

By (@tynanwrites)

February 3, 2010

For advertisers, there’s only one thing better than having your ad shown during the Super Bowl in front of 100 million beer-enriched football fans, and that’s having your ad rejected beforehand by the network. You still get scads of free publicity, but it doesn’t cost you $6 million a minute.

(At eSarcasm we were planning to submit our own ad involving an Apple iPad, Perez Hilton, and a gallon of industrial lubricant, but Perez’s people flaked out on us.)

The following eight ads were all rejected by the networks before they got airtime. among their themes: Adultery, gay love, and new and fascinating ways to handle vegetables. (What, mom didn’t teach you to love vegetables?)

Vote for your faves in the comments below.

1. PETA’s “Veggie Love” [2009]

This sexy PETA ad was rejected for, among other reasons, “asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina.”  You mean there’s another way to eat it?

2. ManCrunch.com [2010]

This gay dating site’s man-on-man action was deemed too hot for straight-laced CBS. That, or maybe they were just afraid of what Number 28 was dipping into the chips.

3. EA’s “Dante’s Inferno.” [2010]

In its original version, this ad for the game based on the 13th century Italian classic ended by instructing viewers to “Go to hell” (later changed to "Hell Awaits.") CBS would prefer you watch episodes of CSI:Everywhere. We’ll take Hell, thanks.

4. Ashley-Madison [2009]

This ad for the Ashley-Madison dating site (their motto: “Life is short, have an affair”) was banned everywhere but Texas. Because all our excess live in Texas.

5. GoDaddy’s “Lola” [2010]

Something about this ex-jock turned Nancy-boy lingerie designer also set off CBS’s gaydar. We have a sneaking suspicion why: Time to come out of that closet, Leslie Moonves. You aren’t foolin’ anybody, girlfriend.

6. Rolling Rock [2008]

You can’t say Rolling Rock didn’t go balls out with this one. Apparently it was the overly stimulated bottle and its two little cousins at the end that put this one over the top. We understand they have sprays for that now.

7. Bud Light [2006]

Moral of our story: You don’t have to be an asshole to love Bud Light, but it sure helps.

8. SmartBeep [2006]

A beeper service? In 2006? Smells a little fishy to us.

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  • I vote #6, though 2/3rds was wasted money (could've done it in 15 seconds, not 45)… and I agree – the funniest part is the closing shot of the bot' and 'balls' (which only helps prove how much leading up to that was wasted time=money).

  • delkes

    The SmartBeep ad dates to at least 1998 – that's when I first saw it. No idea why it's tagged with 2006.

  • delkes

    The SmartBeep ad dates to at least 1998 – that's when I first saw it. No idea why it's tagged with 2006.