Alternate Reality

Supreme Pontiff Unveils God 2.0

The Pope’s got the dope on social media. Benedict XVI is urging his priests to blog, tweet, and Facebook their flocks to salvation. Do you believe in Blog?

By (@tynanwrites)

January 25, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Let no one accuse Pope Benedict XVI of being behind the times.

In a speech to be delivered on World Communications Day next May*, Pope Benedict has called upon his black-clad army of celibates to spread the word of God via technology – including blogs, Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter.

Priests are thus challenged to proclaim the Gospel by employing the latest generation of audiovisual resources (images, videos, animated features, blogs, websites) which, alongside traditional means, can open up broad new vistas for dialogue, evangelization and catechesis.

The speech stands in marked contrast to one Pope Benedict delivered last year during which he called electronic media “poison that makes our faces darker and makes us smile less.”

Vatican officials hotly denied that the Pontiff’s change of heart was related to his recent discovery of the Naughty Nuns Web site.

To set an example for his flock, His Holiness has hit the ground running, creating his own personal Twitter account, setting up a Facebook page, and posting a video to the Vatican’s YouTube Channel of his version of “Pontiffs on the Ground.”

Rival religious organizations promised to step up their own cyber recruitment efforts to keep pace with Benedict. The Rabbinical Council of North America has already launched JewTube,** where goyim can watch viral videos of God’s chosen people discussing the Talmud, eating a nice lox schmear, and kvetching.

Similarly, the United Brotherhood of Islam is ready to unveil Abdallah Friend Finder, a dating site featuring daring photos of Muslim gals that reveal everything from the tops of their noses to the bottom of their eyebrows.***

* Hey, if anybody knows how to plan ahead, it’s the Papacy. They’ve had the snacks ready for the Second Coming for more than 2000 years.

** Yes, this site really exists.

*** This one doesn’t. But if we’re going to make fun of the major world religions, we figured we might as well go for the Trifecta.

Cleverly photoshopped pic of the Pope holding the Jesus Tablet courtesy of Ars Technica.

Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter