Rants In Our Pants

The TechList: 23.Jan.2010

Apple wants to invite you to its iPad, Tiger Woods rehabs his ‘nads

By (@tynanwrites)

January 23, 2010

1. Apple. New Web tablet may end up being called the "iPad." And for those especially heavy Web surfing days: The MaxiPad.

2. Bill Gates. Joins Twitter, gains 300K followers in 24 hrs. Apparently the ubernerd is easier to take in 140 characters or less.

3. NASA. Astronaut sends first tweet from space. @GuyKawasaki immediately recruits him into his army of tweet-spewing drones.

4. China. Claims that its "Internet is open." Also: The earth is flat, black is white, and Perez Hilton is not a raging poofta.

5. Microsoft. May unveil Zune phone. It”ll be like a Windows Mobile 6 phone on steroids. Look for ‘roid rage and shrunken testicles.

6. Google Nexus. The N1’s voice-to-text software censors dirty words, by design. No ###. Would we ####ing lie to you?

7. January 27. Apple plans to introduce new line of Teletubby porn. Watch out for those multicolored money shots.*

8. iPhone. May ditch Google for Bing as default search engine. No word whether it will adopt Microsoft Bang for its online porn engine.

9. Jammie Thomas-Rasset. Judge slashes file sharers’ penalty from $2M to $54K. Sadly, she was unable to raise T-Rasset’s IQ up from 2 digits.

10. Tiger Woods. Checks himself and his tool into sex rehab clinic. Must be time for his 50,000-boink tune up.

* You can blame JR for that joke.

Alleged iPad Touch photo courtesy Gizmodo.

[Yes, we are a day late with on this one too. We blame Daylight Savings Time.]

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