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20 Tweets Bill Gates Hasn’t Sent Yet (But Probably Will)

The world’s geekiest billionaire has finally signed onto Twitter. What’s he going to tell the world? We have a few ideas.

By (@eSarcasm)

January 21, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Yes, social media fans, Bill Gates has finally discovered Twitter. And in less than 48 hours, he’s already amassed more than 280,000 followers without breaking a sweat or showing us his tits. Who knew that’s all he needed to do to become popular?

So far, Bill’s tweet output has been less than impressive. A note to Ashton Kutcher, a shout out to Ryan Seacrest, some mild self promotion. Otherwise, not much.

But we think he has great potential. In fact, we’re pretty sure we know what he’s going to be tweeting over the next few months. Here’s a sneak peek:

@iamdiddy That Tantric sex thing sounds intriguing, but… 36 hours? Golly. I haven’t had 36 hours worth of sex in my entire life.

@StevenABallmer re: your email. I told u. I keep the Right Guard in my bottom desk drawer. And if you use it even once, srsly, just keep it.

Another friggin’ Fail Whale! At Microsoft we’d never allow something to crash this often. Oh, right. Sorry. My bad.

@plusk You want $2 billion for your next project??? Dude, Melinda won’t let me write a check for more than $40. It’s in the prenup.

Currently writing code to figure out why so many people RT everything @mashable says, when 90% of it is unoriginal drivel. Wtf?

RT @Mashable Bill Gates Surpasses 100,000 Twitter Followers in 8 Hours

@snoopdogg yo my nigga. thoz new trax is smack. u b keepin it real. fo shizzle.

@google Nice "superphone." Stupidphone is more like it. lol #letsbehonest #googlefail

d billCOsby Why yes, I do buy my sweaters at JC Penney’s. How did you guess?

@MichaelBolton Love your work.

Careful guys. If I pass 500,000 followers here, that’ll be way too many friends and I’ll have to quit. #socialmediasux

@SuperCutsSeattle Hi; just confirming my 1:30 appt for tomorrow. thx.

@Microsoft Jan, get @GuyKawasaki on the line. Writing all these tweets is a pain. I need to hire his hacks.

@The_Shack Love the new name. I tried to rebrand us as "The Soft," but it brought back too many bad memories from my 20s.

RT @GuyKawasaki Erectile dysfunction not as uncommon as you’d think

@THE_REAL_SHAQ No, I don’t want to box you, race you, or go one on one. But I’ll happily take you on in a math test ;)

@Oprah Haaaaaaay sista! Wanna catch the late showing of the new Alvin&Chipmunks movie t’morra nite?

Whoo-hoo! Livin’ large with @juliallison and Tila Tequila in the hot tub. PAR-TAYYYYYYYY! (half a minute ago from iPhone)

@eSarcasm More Steve Jobs jokes pls. #microsoftrulez

This Twitter service is pretty cool…kinda reminds me of Plurk. Anyone know where they keep the code?

Twitter Bird Nerd courtesy of illustrator Scott Thigpen.

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