Alternate Reality

Future Obituary: The Best Buy Associate, 1984 – 2010

The Best Buy associate, a fast moving blue-shirted phenomenon, was spotted for the final time today.

By (@jr_raphael)

June 18, 2009

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Best Buy AssociateSEPTEMBER 1, 2010 — The Best Buy associate, a fast moving blue-shirted phenomenon, was spotted for the final time today.

The associate was typically seen scurrying about overly lit electronics stores during the past two decades, ignoring customers and not answering phones. Youthful in appearance, he was recognized by his spiky hair, annoying goatee, and propensity to use the phrase: “I’ll be right with you.”

The Best Buy associate prospered in the mid-90s as the electronics business boomed in America. He is credited with doing some of his finest evasive maneuvers during that era, racking up record hold times for phone-based customers while also keeping lines of irritating in-store shoppers waiting.

The introduction of the Best Buy airport vending machine in late 2008 is largely seen as the catalyst of the associate’s demise. Shortly after the machine’s unveiling, store managers realized how easily they could phase the associate out without anyone noticing.

In June of 2009, a series of Best Buy ads attempted to portray the associate as “friendly” and “knowledgeable,” eager and able to help people both over the phone and in-person. Sources close to the matter say this transparent mischaracterization was a final attempt to revive the associate as his condition became increasingly critical.

The associate will be remembered for his single-syllable name — Jim, was it? Or Rick? — as well as his ability to push that giant wheelie-ladder thing around the store for hours on end with no apparent goal in sight. The Best Buy associate was 26 years old.






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