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Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg Goes Buck Naked

Social networking king sheds his chinos to promote Facebook’s new anti-privacy “bare it and share it” campaign.

By (@tynanwrites)

January 12, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

In an effort to demonstrate his commitment to eradicating what little privacy his subscribers have left, Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg has vowed to post fully nude photos of himself to his own profile.

"It is finally time to put my money where my member is, as well as where our members’ members are," he wrote in a company blog post. 

The move follows a brief appearance last week at the Crunchies, an obnoxious self congratulatory awards show hosted by journalism ethics czar Michael Arrington, where Zuckerberg said Facebook’s privacy policies should always mirror "social norms."

(By "social norms" Zuckerberg was referring to Norm Johnson and Norm McGilicuddy, two highly social Facebook employees who are completely unable to keep secrets due to damage in the hippocampus centers of their brains.)

In addition to publishing nude photos, Zuckerberg’s profile will list his social security number, bank routing information, and penis size relative to other white males who have attended Ivy League schools.

The youthful billionaire-on-paper has also vowed to write a series of painfully embarrassing blog entries revealing:

* His first sexual encounter at an all-boys prep school in Vermont.

* His wild weekend at SXSW with "Racy" Sarah Lacey of TechCrunch.

* How he stole the idea for Facebook from the Winklevoss twins and then bought them off for three cereal boxtops and a hand job.

* How he starts snickering uncontrollably whenever anyone says ‘Winklevoss’.

Due to Zuckerberg’s complete lack of body hair and other secondary sexual characteristics, observers have expressed concern that by running nude Zucky pix Facebook could run afoul of child porn laws.

However, Zuckerberg remains determined to bare everything. 

"I have no secrets," he writes. "Why should anybody else?"

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