Alternate Reality

eSarcasm Uncovers Fatal Flaw in Nexus One Phones

Read our exclusive report on why Google’s new Android “superphone” is too big to not fail.

By (@tynanwrites)

January 7, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

phone_nexus_bigDespite approximately 5.27 million news reports and blog posts about Google’s Nexus One “superphone,” observers have overlooked a glaring — and most likely fatal — flaw in Google’s plan to dominate the handset market: The phone is simply too large.

Judging by the photo at right, the Android-powered handset appears to be 7 feet tall and 4 feet wide, making it more cumbersome than any cell phones currently on the market, with the possible exception of the AT&T Tilt. With an estimated weight of 187 pounds, the Nexus One is too hefty to fit in the pockets of any human being not named Kirstie Alley.

However, other observers who’ve seen this photograph* have posited an alternative theory that the Google employee pictured here, Sara Rowghani, is actually two inches tall. This would confirm earlier reports of an alleged plan by Google to shrink its employees, thus saving money on office space in a challenging economic climate.

Google has not responded to repeated requests for comment, which we can only interpret as confirming our account.

* Namely our own Dr. Smartass.

Photo: Wired, via AP.

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