Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Yes, Virginia, Geeks Are Better in Bed

Yes, Virginia, Geeks <i>Are</i> Better in Bed

Defying all expectations, technology professionals were voted the best lovers in a UK poll. Why? Because their tools are rechargeable.

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Steve Jobs is a bicycle. Sarah Palin killed Michael Jackson. People type weird shit into Google — and you need look no further than its Auto-Complete feature to get a glimpse.

Quiz: Are You an Apple or an Android Fanboy?

Quiz: Are You an Apple or an Android Fanboy?

Forget the old Microsoft vs. Apple feud — the bigger battle these days is between Apple and Android. So which kind of fanboy are you? Take this 20-question quiz to find out.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

12 More Companies Google Should Acquire

12 More Companies Google Should Acquire

Dear Google: Please acquire these 12 companies. It would provide great comic relief. Love, eSarcasm

Quickies

iToons: How Microsoft Really Plans to Sell Windows Phone 7

iToons: How Microsoft Really Plans to Sell Windows Phone 7

Forget the bold claims and fancy ads — this is how Microsoft really expects to get people on-board with Windows Phone 7.

Urine Luck: Women Earn Right to Pee Freely

Urine Luck: Women Earn Right to Pee Freely

Thanks to the amazing ‘Whiz freedom’, that is. If ever, oh ever, a whiz there was, this Whizzer is it. Why? Because of the wonderful things it does.

Hump Day Hottie: Diora Baird

Hump Day Hottie: Diora Baird

There’s nothing like getting down to the Baird essentials. Meet Diora the explorer.

iToons: If GoDaddy Ran the Mafia…

iToons: If GoDaddy Ran the Mafia…

If GoDaddy’s sales team took over the mafia, it might look a little something like this.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Those Hips Don’t Lie: Her Butt and Her Brain

Those Hips Don’t Lie: Her Butt and Her Brain

News flash: There’s more to her derriere than meets the eye. Dr. Smartass dives into some surprising science behind the behind.

This Brassiere Could Save Your Life

This Brassiere Could Save Your Life

The Emergency Bra doesn’t merely lift, shape, and support, it may also save your life in case of a gas attack. Even if not, it’s certainly worth a try.

Police on the Hunt for Elusive ‘Gmail Killer’

Police on the Hunt for Elusive ‘Gmail Killer’

Law enforcement authorities are seeking an alleged serial killer who has threatened to murder Gmail, the iPhone, the Kindle, and Google. An eSarcasm exclusive.

China’s Free Speech Guarantee: The Annotated Version

China’s Free Speech Guarantee: The Annotated Version

In a newly published document, China’s leaders claim they fully support free speech on the Internet. Um, right. We thought their statement could use a few clarifications.

10 Words Missing From Oxford’s Word of the Year List

10 Words Missing From Oxford’s Word of the Year List

The New Oxford American Dictionary says “unfriend” is the word of the year. We say “douchebaggery,” “iBoner,” and “twhoring” should have been considered.

What Your Username Says About You

What Your Username Says About You

A username can make or break you on the Net. So does your handle say “stud” or “dud”? Dr. Smartass has some guidelines to help you figure it out.

Oldest Living Microsoft Fanboy Tells All

Oldest Living Microsoft Fanboy Tells All

When Microsoft gets criticized unfairly on the Net, people like Hyrum Winsocki leap to its defense. eSarcasm gets up close and personal with the original MSFT Fanboy.