Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

So Long, Sexting: 15 Trendy New Tech Terms

So Long, Sexting: 15 Trendy New Tech Terms

Sexting is so 2009. The coming year will be filled with media reports about “twiddling,” “tescallatio,” and these other hot new tech terms.

EXCLUSIVE: iPhone 5 to Include ‘Invisible Fence’ Protection

EXCLUSIVE: iPhone 5 to Include ‘Invisible Fence’ Protection

Following the implementation of tamper-resistant screws on its products, Apple will begin installing electric fences on iPhones to prevent users from opening the cases.

Four Hot iPhone Apps for Bro’s and Ho’s

Four Hot iPhone Apps for Bro’s and Ho’s

Pepsi apologized for releasing a ‘sexist’ iPhone app after feminists howled. We say, bring it on. If you liked AMP UP, you’ll love Ho-B-gone, iPhat, and Femi-none.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Steve Jobs is a bicycle. Sarah Palin killed Michael Jackson. People type weird shit into Google — and you need look no further than its Auto-Complete feature to get a glimpse.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Justine Ezarik

Hump Day Hottie: Justine Ezarik

Meet the woman better known to Internet fanboyz as iJustine.

iToons: What If the TSA Took Over IT?

iToons: What If the TSA Took Over IT?

You think airport security’s a hassle? Just imagine if the Transportation Security Administration also ran your office’s IT department.

iToons: What Facebook Really Celebrated This Week

iToons: What Facebook Really Celebrated This Week

If you thought Zuckerberg’s hoodie insignia was weird, just wait till you see the new set of signs Facebook ordered to mark its 500-million-member milestone this week.

Hump Day Hottie: Yvonne Strahovski

Hump Day Hottie: Yvonne Strahovski

Gentlemen, cock your pistols: This is one spy you’ll definitely want to mess with.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Inside AT&T’s New Social Media Strategy

Inside AT&T’s New Social Media Strategy

AT&T is turning to social media to try to fix its battered image. After seeing the company’s plan, though, we’re not so sure it’s going to work.

Breaking: Google in Discussions to Acquire eSarcasm for $50 or More

Breaking: Google in Discussions to Acquire eSarcasm for $50 or More

The search giant is once again in talks to engulf and devour eSarcasm in a deal valued at nearly three figures, sources report. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Six Geeky Products You Won’t Want to Miss

Six Geeky Products You Won’t Want to Miss

Seems like every tech company is coming out with non-tech products. From Facebook-inspired body spray to Apple’s magical iGlove, here are six hot products you’ll soon be seeing.

25 Ways to Be a Total Tool on Twitter

25 Ways to Be a Total Tool on Twitter

Anyone can be annoying on Twitter, but achieving complete assclown status takes serious dedication. Here are 25 obnoxious Twitter behaviors that ought to get you banned for life.

Are You a Sexsomniac?

Are You a Sexsomniac?

If there’s one title worth listing on your resumé, “sexsomniac” might be it. Dr. Smartass looks into what’s arguably the oddest (and most unintentionally slutty) medical condition known to man.

Windows at 25: The Interview

Windows at 25: The Interview

To mark Microsoft Windows’ 25th birthday, we got up close and personal with the OS on a wide range of topics — including what it really thinks of Gates, Ballmer, and Jobs. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Introducing ‘Abstinence’: The Virtual Reality Video Game

Introducing ‘Abstinence’: The Virtual Reality Video Game

A new virtual-reality video game promises to help you practice saying no to sex. Wait a minute — what?!