Fresh Off The Griddle

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The Best & the Brightest: The eSarcasm 50

The Best & the Brightest: The eSarcasm 50

Screw Michael Arrington and his TechCrunch 50. The hottest tech startups shared their throbbing demo love at eSarc50. Meet the winners: HipHype, TwitWit, and the SuckMaster 5000.

The Best Way to Break Up

The Best Way to Break Up

Breaking up isn’t easy, but Dr. Smartass has some science-tested steps to make it sting a little less. (He told us they were science-tested, anyway — to be honest, we’re not fully convinced.)

Are You a Certified Facebook Douche?

Are You a Certified Facebook Douche?

We’re launching a campaign to seek out and identify the world’s worst Certified Facebook Douches. Can you help?

    eSarcasm Widgets

eSarcasm Spotlight

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Preposterous Product Names

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Preposterous Product Names

Care for a Portable Penetrator, or perhaps some Jussipussi with a scoop of CreaMass? Yeah…we couldn’t make this shit up if we tried.

Quickies

iToons: Trick or Tweet

iToons: Trick or Tweet

Strange things can happen when you celebrate Halloween in a Twitter-friendly world.

Video: Exclusive Preview of Kanye West’s New Twitter Rap Video

Video: Exclusive Preview of Kanye West’s New Twitter Rap Video

Kanye West has been baring his soul on Twitter. Now his tweets are a music video. Prepare to experience him as you never have before — 140 characters at a time.

Video: Google-China Negotiations Hit Impasse

Video: Google-China Negotiations Hit Impasse

We have obtained secret footage of last-ditch negotiations between the Beijing government and Google officials, trying to stave off a confrontation (but sadly failing).

iToons: What Was Steve Jobs Like As a Child?

iToons: What Was Steve Jobs Like As a Child?

They say someone’s childhood can explain a lot about his personality. Looking back at young Steve Jobs, it suddenly all makes sense.

More Recent Stories

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.

Apple Sues Google For Stealing Stuff It Just Invented

Apple Sues Google For Stealing Stuff It Just Invented

Google stole tons of new features from iOS 7, Apple says, and put them into Android products three years ago. An eSarcasm exclusive.


eSarcasm Favorites

eSarcasm vs. CNET and Wired: Get the Facts

eSarcasm vs. CNET and Wired: Get the Facts

If Microsoft can create its own “study” to prove its product is better than the competition — well, damn it, we can do the same thing.

Those Hips Don’t Lie: Her Butt and Her Brain

Those Hips Don’t Lie: Her Butt and Her Brain

News flash: There’s more to her derriere than meets the eye. Dr. Smartass dives into some surprising science behind the behind.

Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg Goes Buck Naked

Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg Goes Buck Naked

Social networking king sheds his chinos to promote Facebook’s new anti-privacy “bare it and share it” campaign.

eSarcasm Unveils Groundbreaking New Ethics Policy

eSarcasm Unveils Groundbreaking New Ethics Policy

It’s pretty simple, really. Want us to write about you? It’s going to cost you. Want us to please not write about you? It’ll cost you more. Welcome to eThics 2.0.

Top 10 Things You Didn’t Know About “The Daily”

Top 10 Things You Didn’t Know About “The Daily”

Extra, extra, read all about it. Apple and News Corp have finally unveiled the first ‘newspaper’ for the iPad. Here are ten things they won’t tell you about it.

Swearing Makes You Feel Better, Shitty Study Finds

Swearing Makes You Feel Better, Shitty Study Finds

For the love of science, stop censoring yourself. Swearing holds the power to make you feel physically better, according to a shitty new study out of the U.K.

Double Your Entendre: 12 Unintentionally Dirty Headlines

Double Your Entendre: 12 Unintentionally Dirty Headlines

Do you have a dirty mind? If you interpret these seemingly innocent news headlines the same way we did, the answer is probably yes.