Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Not that we would ever try using one one of these. But in case you’re ever tempted, remember: Nobody ever got laid after saying any of these things. Trust us.

If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

He’d be out there pitching Windows Phone 7 handsets. Here’s how that might go, to the tune of Green Eggs & Ham. (Warning: Not safe for kiddies or excessively mature adults.)

Inside Larry Page’s First Day as Google CEO

Inside Larry Page’s First Day as Google CEO

Yes, Google’s got a new el jefe. Eric Schmidt has just handed the keys to the chief executive limo to Larry Page. Here’s what Larry’s first day was like. An eSarcasm exclusive.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Windows at 25: The Interview

Windows at 25: The Interview

To mark Microsoft Windows’ 25th birthday, we got up close and personal with the OS on a wide range of topics — including what it really thinks of Gates, Ballmer, and Jobs. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Quickies

iToons: This Is Your Dad. This Is Your Dad on Twitter.

iToons: This Is Your Dad. This Is Your Dad on Twitter.

When social media meets parenting, scary things can happen.

iToons: The Pain of PowerPoint

iToons: The Pain of PowerPoint

Who needs waterboarding when you have Microsoft PowerPoint? Here’s a look at how everyone’s favorite presentation software was really meant to be used.

iToons: What’s Your Real Relationship Status?

iToons: What’s Your Real Relationship Status?

Let’s face it: Facebook’s options for relationship status don’t always cover all the territory. Here’s a more realistic set of choices.

iToons: The Truth About Citizen Journalism

iToons: The Truth About Citizen Journalism

A sneak peek into the inner workings of your favorite neighborhood blog.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

The Best Way to Break Up

The Best Way to Break Up

Breaking up isn’t easy, but Dr. Smartass has some science-tested steps to make it sting a little less. (He told us they were science-tested, anyway — to be honest, we’re not fully convinced.)

The Best & the Brightest: The eSarcasm 50

The Best & the Brightest: The eSarcasm 50

Screw Michael Arrington and his TechCrunch 50. The hottest tech startups shared their throbbing demo love at eSarc50. Meet the winners: HipHype, TwitWit, and the SuckMaster 5000.

12 More Companies Google Should Acquire

12 More Companies Google Should Acquire

Dear Google: Please acquire these 12 companies. It would provide great comic relief. Love, eSarcasm

This Just In: Men Fake It, Too

This Just In: Men Fake It, Too

Think ladies are the only ones putting on the fake “O”-face? Think again. Dr. Smartass explains.

What the Frak: When Acronyms Attack

What the Frak: When Acronyms Attack

BLOWW? DILDO? ASSBAG? WTF? This is what happens when morons coin your acronyms. Here are 15 terse-yet-ridiculous names that really need to change.

Sweet China o’ Mine: The Song

Sweet China o’ Mine: The Song

Our take on the Google-China saga, set to the tune of Guns N’ Roses’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine.”

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Steve Jobs is a bicycle. Sarah Palin killed Michael Jackson. People type weird shit into Google — and you need look no further than its Auto-Complete feature to get a glimpse.