Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Not that we would ever try using one one of these. But in case you’re ever tempted, remember: Nobody ever got laid after saying any of these things. Trust us.

20 Tweets Bill Gates Hasn’t Sent Yet (But Probably Will)

20 Tweets Bill Gates Hasn’t Sent Yet (But Probably Will)

The world’s geekiest billionaire has finally signed onto Twitter. What’s he going to tell the world? We have a few ideas.

That Chick From Hanson to Test New Gender-Sensing Technology

That Chick From Hanson to Test New Gender-Sensing Technology

Following a brief hiatus from public life, that chick from Hanson has announced she will take part in a groundbreaking demonstration of new gender-sensing technology.







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eSarcasm Spotlight

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

You can now earn Foursquare badges for getting STD tests, so why stop there? eSarcasm is proud to offer a new line of Foursquare sex badges, including the SlutScout and the Back Door Master.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Grunewald

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Grunewald

We don’t know what’s stuck to this Danish beauty’s nylons, but we want to lick them too.

Urine Luck: Women Earn Right to Pee Freely

Urine Luck: Women Earn Right to Pee Freely

Thanks to the amazing ‘Whiz freedom’, that is. If ever, oh ever, a whiz there was, this Whizzer is it. Why? Because of the wonderful things it does.

iToons: Conan O’Brien, IT Professional?

iToons: Conan O’Brien, IT Professional?

Forget Fox or Comedy Central — Conan’s “Tonight Show” experience might lead him to a job in IT.

Hump Day Hotties: Bree Olsen & Natalie Kenly

Hump Day Hotties: Bree Olsen & Natalie Kenly

Double your pleasure, double your fun with these two hotties, aka, the “goddesses” that light up Charlie Sheen’s life.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Top 10 Things You Didn’t Know About “The Daily”

Top 10 Things You Didn’t Know About “The Daily”

Extra, extra, read all about it. Apple and News Corp have finally unveiled the first ‘newspaper’ for the iPad. Here are ten things they won’t tell you about it.

Inside AT&T’s New Social Media Strategy

Inside AT&T’s New Social Media Strategy

AT&T is turning to social media to try to fix its battered image. After seeing the company’s plan, though, we’re not so sure it’s going to work.

10 Fatal Flaws With the Internet Kissing Machine

10 Fatal Flaws With the Internet Kissing Machine

It sounds like a lonely geek’s dream, but the newly unveiled Internet make-out machine isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. An eSarcasm exclusive investigation.

Double Your Entendre: 12 Unintentionally Dirty Headlines

Double Your Entendre: 12 Unintentionally Dirty Headlines

Do you have a dirty mind? If you interpret these seemingly innocent news headlines the same way we did, the answer is probably yes.

When Naked Cell Phone Pics Come Back to Haunt You

When Naked Cell Phone Pics Come Back to Haunt You

So you “forgot” to delete those risqué cell phone pics of your ex, and now your new girlfriend’s found them. What do you do?

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Not that we would ever try using one one of these. But in case you’re ever tempted, remember: Nobody ever got laid after saying any of these things. Trust us.

Tweet It!

Tweet It!

The theme song for the Twitter-obsessed, as sung to Michael Jackson’s “Beat It.”