Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

We’re Suing Apple, Michael Arrington, and 8 Others

We’re Suing Apple, Michael Arrington, and 8 Others

eSarcasm LLC would like to formally announce lawsuits against Michael Arrington, Apple, AT&T, and a bunch of other places that are really starting to piss us off.

Apple iPad Users Suffering From ‘Miracle Fatigue’

Apple iPad Users Suffering From ‘Miracle Fatigue’

As Apple gets ready to introduce the iPad 2 on March 2, experts fear that iPad fans may not be able to withstand another miraculous, life-changing device.

Too Little Too Latex: Government Probes Condom-Free Desires

Too Little Too Latex: Government Probes Condom-Free Desires

Try this one on for size: The government is paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to research why men don’t like wearing condoms. Yes, really.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Sex Survey Reveals Americans’ Sauciest Secrets

Sex Survey Reveals Americans’ Sauciest Secrets

Researchers have released the results from America’s biggest sex survey to date — and there are more than a few steamy surprises inside.

Quickies

iToons: The Foolproof Way to Escape Facebook

iToons: The Foolproof Way to Escape Facebook

Deleting your Facebook profile isn’t easy — but there’s one surefire way to escape the social network’s grasp.

Hump Day Hottie: Jasmine Lennard

Hump Day Hottie: Jasmine Lennard

The forecast for this would-be supermodel: cloudy with a chance of nipples.

iToons: Trick or Tweet

iToons: Trick or Tweet

Strange things can happen when you celebrate Halloween in a Twitter-friendly world.

Hump Day Hottie: Elin Nordegren

Hump Day Hottie: Elin Nordegren

Tiger may be on the prowl, but he’s got something smokin’ at home.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Windows at 25: The Interview

Windows at 25: The Interview

To mark Microsoft Windows’ 25th birthday, we got up close and personal with the OS on a wide range of topics — including what it really thinks of Gates, Ballmer, and Jobs. An eSarcasm exclusive.

10 Ways Twitter Is Like Paris Hilton

10 Ways Twitter Is Like Paris Hilton

Turns out social networks and socialites have plenty of things in common — you know, like how often they go down and how important it is to fill their holes.

eSarcasm’s Tech Lingo Translation Guide

eSarcasm’s Tech Lingo Translation Guide

Think you know tech lingo? You’re probably wrong. From “social media expert” to “pwning a n00b,” our superaccurate translation machine reveals the real meaning of all your favorite tech phrases.

OMG, Twitter’s Found Jesus

OMG, Twitter’s Found Jesus

A new Web site called Christian Chirp claims to be the Twitter for the God-fearing masses. Here are 20 ways “tweeting for Jesus” is just a bit different.

Top 15 Reasons MySpace Picked That Terrible Logo

Top 15 Reasons MySpace Picked That Terrible Logo

The new MySpace logo may look like a total joke, but that’s probably just because you don’t know the whole story behind it. Behold: the 15 real reasons MySpace went with that godawful design.

Scientists Solve Mystery of How Cats Drink Without Getting Wet

Scientists Solve Mystery of How Cats Drink Without Getting Wet

Scientists have finally uncovered the answer to one of nature’s most elusive mysteries. And it’s a lot simpler than you think.

7 Reasons Why Google Would Make a Bad Boyfriend

7 Reasons Why Google Would Make a Bad Boyfriend

Yeah, yeah, we know. Google’s got it goin’ on. Before you hop on to ride the Big G’s big index, though, you may want to read this.