Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Introducing ‘Abstinence’: The Virtual Reality Video Game

Introducing ‘Abstinence’: The Virtual Reality Video Game

A new virtual-reality video game promises to help you practice saying no to sex. Wait a minute — what?!

How About an App With That Crappuccino?

How About an App With That Crappuccino?

Starbucks sucks — and so do its iPhone apps. Here are 10 better ways for Apple fanboys to wake up and smell the overpriced, poorly roasted coffee.

What the Frak: When Acronyms Attack

What the Frak: When Acronyms Attack

BLOWW? DILDO? ASSBAG? WTF? This is what happens when morons coin your acronyms. Here are 15 terse-yet-ridiculous names that really need to change.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Memo to Murdoch: We Will Buy MySpace

Memo to Murdoch: We Will Buy MySpace

So MySpace is for sale, eh? No worries, Rupe — we’d be happy to take it off your hands. Somebody’s got to think about all those homeless strippers.

Quickies

iToons: Where’d Mark Zuckerberg Go?

iToons: Where’d Mark Zuckerberg Go?

Facebook CEO missing since Thursday. Police now believe excessive sweat may be to blame.

Hump Day Hottie: Elizabeth Banks

Hump Day Hottie: Elizabeth Banks

Some banks we wouldn’t mind bailing out. Our favorite one is named Elizabeth.

iToons: The Truth About Citizen Journalism

iToons: The Truth About Citizen Journalism

A sneak peek into the inner workings of your favorite neighborhood blog.

Hump Day Hottie: Cristina Warthen

Hump Day Hottie: Cristina Warthen

Can someone please lend this poor girl $25,000? She’s prosti–err, destitute.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Four Hot iPhone Apps for Bro’s and Ho’s

Four Hot iPhone Apps for Bro’s and Ho’s

Pepsi apologized for releasing a ‘sexist’ iPhone app after feminists howled. We say, bring it on. If you liked AMP UP, you’ll love Ho-B-gone, iPhat, and Femi-none.

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

What’s in a name? A lot, according to some recent research. Dr. Smartass has your guide to interpreting what your name tells the world.

7 Simple Rules of Online Dating

7 Simple Rules of Online Dating

Hooking up with someone online doesn’t have to be difficult. Just follow these seven simple rules, and you’ll be clicking your way to climactic glory.

Looking for Porn in All the Wrong Places and Other Google Search Stories

Looking for Porn in All the Wrong Places and Other Google Search Stories

Google wants you to share your ‘search story’ with the world on YouTube. After seeing some of our search stories, they might just change their minds.

5 Reasons Why We Hate ’5 Reasons Why’ Stories

5 Reasons Why We Hate ’5 Reasons Why’ Stories

Why must so many blog posts revolve around “5 reasons”-this or “5 reasons”-that? How about some originality, people?

15 Office Pranks For Geeks With Gusto

15 Office Pranks For Geeks With Gusto

Snuggle up to your screen and get ready to unleash all sorts of shenanigans with these 15 high-tech office pranks. Our apologies in advance to your friends and co-workers.

Michael Bolton to Release ‘Worst Of’ Retrospective

Michael Bolton to Release ‘Worst Of’ Retrospective

Bolton to revisit embarrassingly bad songs as part of compilation for new Amazon music-streaming service; Phil Collins reportedly in talks as well.