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Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

15 Things You Didn’t Know About Facebook

15 Things You Didn’t Know About Facebook

In honor of Facebook’s 500-million member milestone, we offer these fun factoids about the social network everyone either loves or loathes.

How Do You Define Sex?

How Do You Define Sex?

Which intimate acts count as sex and which are just innocent drive-bys? Some of science’s foremost sexperts decided to search for the answer.

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

Today’s trending Twitter topic: The hashtag #bootycallrules. Yes, there are strict rules for this sort of thing — and you better memorize them if you ever want to hit that.

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If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

He’d be out there pitching Windows Phone 7 handsets. Here’s how that might go, to the tune of Green Eggs & Ham. (Warning: Not safe for kiddies or excessively mature adults.)

Quickies

iToons: What Facebook Really Celebrated This Week

iToons: What Facebook Really Celebrated This Week

If you thought Zuckerberg’s hoodie insignia was weird, just wait till you see the new set of signs Facebook ordered to mark its 500-million-member milestone this week.

Hump Day Hottie: Raffaella Fico

Hump Day Hottie: Raffaella Fico

More than soccer fans score big with this Italian import. Ché bella donna!

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Jean Underwood

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Jean Underwood

Meet Sarah Jean, the silver screen’s new scream queen

Hump Day Hottie: Capri Anderson

Hump Day Hottie: Capri Anderson

Did Charlie Sheen pay lovely Capri to have sex with him in New York’s Plaza Hotel? Hell, wouldn’t you?

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


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The Truth About Tech, Sex, and Love

The Truth About Tech, Sex, and Love

Technology is changing the way we love, lust, and even thrust. Dr. Smartass checks out two saucy new studies to see how our attitudes (and assitudes) are shifting.

This Just In: Beautiful Women Are Hazardous to Your Health

This Just In: Beautiful Women Are Hazardous to Your Health

A new study concludes that being forced to hang around gorgeous women does bad things to men. Where can we sign up for one of those studies?

We’re Suing Apple, Michael Arrington, and 8 Others

We’re Suing Apple, Michael Arrington, and 8 Others

eSarcasm LLC would like to formally announce lawsuits against Michael Arrington, Apple, AT&T, and a bunch of other places that are really starting to piss us off.

EXCLUSIVE: iPhone 5 to Include ‘Invisible Fence’ Protection

EXCLUSIVE: iPhone 5 to Include ‘Invisible Fence’ Protection

Following the implementation of tamper-resistant screws on its products, Apple will begin installing electric fences on iPhones to prevent users from opening the cases.

22 Internet Activities That’ll Send You Straight to Hell

22 Internet Activities That’ll Send You Straight to Hell

You know that thing you did online the other day? Yeah, you’re going to hell for that. Sorry, chief. But don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Secrets of the Mysterious Male Orgasm Revealed!

Secrets of the Mysterious Male Orgasm Revealed!

After decades of research, scientists believe they have finally uncovered the complex set of triggers that leads to the mysterious male orgasm.

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple isn’t stopping with Woolworths, it seems: The company is now suing God over the similarity between the apple fruit and its own apple-based logo.