Fresh Off The Griddle

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

25 More Sexting Acronyms Parents Should Know

25 More Sexting Acronyms Parents Should Know

Your teens are doing the nasty on their cell phones and you don’t know even know it. God, you’re so lame. We can’t believe you’re their parents. You make us wish they’d never been born. OMG.

Sex Survey Reveals Americans’ Sauciest Secrets

Sex Survey Reveals Americans’ Sauciest Secrets

Researchers have released the results from America’s biggest sex survey to date — and there are more than a few steamy surprises inside.

Sweet China o’ Mine: The Song

Sweet China o’ Mine: The Song

Our take on the Google-China saga, set to the tune of Guns N’ Roses’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine.”

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eSarcasm Spotlight

10 More Cartoon Endorsements We’d Like to See

10 More Cartoon Endorsements We’d Like to See

Microsoft has enlisted the Family Guy crew to help flog Windows 7. But why stop there? Here are 10 more animated spokestoons tech companies should seriously consider.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Marion Cotillard

Hump Day Hottie: Marion Cotillard

This sizzling French actress is on her way to Gotham City. Care to hitch a ride?

Hump Day Hottie: Heather McComb

Hump Day Hottie: Heather McComb

The former Party of Five hottie can party with us any time she wants (just leave the other four at home)

Hump Day Hottie: Irina Shayk

Hump Day Hottie: Irina Shayk

There’s a whole lotta Shayk going on with this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover model.

iToons: Introducing AT&T’s Data Police

iToons: Introducing AT&T’s Data Police

Wondering what AT&T’s data-usage “incentives” might look like? Here’s one idea.

More Recent Stories

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.

Apple Sues Google For Stealing Stuff It Just Invented

Apple Sues Google For Stealing Stuff It Just Invented

Google stole tons of new features from iOS 7, Apple says, and put them into Android products three years ago. An eSarcasm exclusive.


eSarcasm Favorites

The Dark Side of Texting

The Dark Side of Texting

Before you open that next text from your special someone, you may want to read what Dr. Smartass discovered.

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

With every new technological innovation, an old activity becomes outdated. From heading to the arcade to wearing a calculator watch, here are 40 things either gone or in danger of disappearing.

Top 10 Things You Didn’t Know About “The Daily”

Top 10 Things You Didn’t Know About “The Daily”

Extra, extra, read all about it. Apple and News Corp have finally unveiled the first ‘newspaper’ for the iPad. Here are ten things they won’t tell you about it.

Internet Turns 40, Begins Midlife Crisis

Internet Turns 40, Begins Midlife Crisis

Fast cars? Frosted tips? Foxy babes? Yep — looks like the Internet is having a midlife crisis as it creeps up to the big 4-0 this week.

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

Today’s trending Twitter topic: The hashtag #bootycallrules. Yes, there are strict rules for this sort of thing — and you better memorize them if you ever want to hit that.

My Fungus, My Penis, My Legacy

My Fungus, My Penis, My Legacy

Every guy likes to think his manhood makes a lasting impression. Now, one man’s willy actually will live on in fame — and he has the fungus among us to thank.

Mythical Lesbians Are Breaking the Internets

Mythical Lesbians Are Breaking the Internets

Imaginary sex-crazed lesbians are bringing the Web to a standstill in Sweden. If that sentence doesn’t intrigue you, we’re not sure what will.