Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Your Cheatin’ Art

Your Cheatin’ Art

Want to break a few Commandments? Sites like the Ashley Madison Agency make adultery as easy as 123. But repent, would-be sinners, before you tumble into the pit of Hell.

What the Frak: When Acronyms Attack

What the Frak: When Acronyms Attack

BLOWW? DILDO? ASSBAG? WTF? This is what happens when morons coin your acronyms. Here are 15 terse-yet-ridiculous names that really need to change.

This Aol! Story Has Been Brought to You by the Borg

This Aol! Story Has Been Brought to You by the Borg

Aol! is building a Web filled with news articles composed by soulless software. eSarcasm gets up close and algorithmical with the brains behind its Seed project.

    eSarcasm Widgets

eSarcasm Spotlight

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

You can now earn Foursquare badges for getting STD tests, so why stop there? eSarcasm is proud to offer a new line of Foursquare sex badges, including the SlutScout and the Back Door Master.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Natalie Portman

Hump Day Hottie: Natalie Portman

Natalie, oh Natalie — how we adore thee. And not just because of your recent girl-on-girl sex scene with Mila Kunis. We promise.

Hump Day Hottie: Cristina Warthen

Hump Day Hottie: Cristina Warthen

Can someone please lend this poor girl $25,000? She’s prosti–err, destitute.

iToons: A Different Kind of Death Grip

iToons: A Different Kind of Death Grip

As many young men have learned, smartphones aren’t the only things that suffer when gripped too firmly.

Hump Day Hottie: Christian Serratos

Hump Day Hottie: Christian Serratos

This Twilight star shows her love — and a lot more — for the small and the furry.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

eSarcasm’s Tech Lingo Translation Guide

eSarcasm’s Tech Lingo Translation Guide

Think you know tech lingo? You’re probably wrong. From “social media expert” to “pwning a n00b,” our superaccurate translation machine reveals the real meaning of all your favorite tech phrases.

Pinocchio Sex Tapes Circulating Across Net

Pinocchio Sex Tapes Circulating Across Net

A porn video featuring the star of “Shrek Forever After” with an underage Marionette is spreading across the Web. Really. Would we lie to you?

My Fungus, My Penis, My Legacy

My Fungus, My Penis, My Legacy

Every guy likes to think his manhood makes a lasting impression. Now, one man’s willy actually will live on in fame — and he has the fungus among us to thank.

eSarcasm Pulls Out of China

eSarcasm Pulls Out of China

Even the world’s greatest geek humor site can only take so much evil. Like Google, we’re giving China the finger — and a lot more. An eSarcasm exclusive.

The Truth About Tech, Sex, and Love

The Truth About Tech, Sex, and Love

Technology is changing the way we love, lust, and even thrust. Dr. Smartass checks out two saucy new studies to see how our attitudes (and assitudes) are shifting.

China’s Free Speech Guarantee: The Annotated Version

China’s Free Speech Guarantee: The Annotated Version

In a newly published document, China’s leaders claim they fully support free speech on the Internet. Um, right. We thought their statement could use a few clarifications.

Frak The Shack: 25 Better Ways to Rebrand RadioShack

Frak The Shack: 25 Better Ways to Rebrand RadioShack

RadioShack is attempting to reinvent itself by taking on a new name: “The Shack.” Come on, RS — you can do better than that. Here are 25 more appropriate alternatives.