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Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

15 Office Pranks For Geeks With Gusto

15 Office Pranks For Geeks With Gusto

Snuggle up to your screen and get ready to unleash all sorts of shenanigans with these 15 high-tech office pranks. Our apologies in advance to your friends and co-workers.

20 Tweets Bill Gates Hasn’t Sent Yet (But Probably Will)

20 Tweets Bill Gates Hasn’t Sent Yet (But Probably Will)

The world’s geekiest billionaire has finally signed onto Twitter. What’s he going to tell the world? We have a few ideas.

Top 12 Rejected Microsoft Slogans

Top 12 Rejected Microsoft Slogans

Picking Microsoft’s new tagline (“Be What’s Next”) wasn’t easy. Here are some alternative slogans that didn’t quite make the cut.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Olivia Wilde

Hump Day Hottie: Olivia Wilde

Fuck leprechauns, four leaf clovers, and pots of gold. This Wilde Irish rose is our St. Patty’s Day treat.

iToons: When Foursquare Check-Ins Go Too Far

iToons: When Foursquare Check-Ins Go Too Far

Some of our day-to-day locations should really remain unshared.

iToons: The Wrath of Jobs, the Wrath of God

iToons: The Wrath of Jobs, the Wrath of God

When you touch the forbidden fruit, you have to deal with the consequences.

Urine Luck: Women Earn Right to Pee Freely

Urine Luck: Women Earn Right to Pee Freely

Thanks to the amazing ‘Whiz freedom’, that is. If ever, oh ever, a whiz there was, this Whizzer is it. Why? Because of the wonderful things it does.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

New Online Dating Service Offers Membership Only to Uggos

New Online Dating Service Offers Membership Only to Uggos

Screw BeautifulPeople.com. If your goblin-like appearance frequently frightens small children, AbsoluteUggos may be the dating site for you.

The Funniest Words From Google’s ‘Instant’ Blacklist

The Funniest Words From Google’s ‘Instant’ Blacklist

Google has banned hundreds of terms from showing up in its “Instant” search results — and some of them are more than a little bizarre.

Memo to Murdoch: We Will Buy MySpace

Memo to Murdoch: We Will Buy MySpace

So MySpace is for sale, eh? No worries, Rupe — we’d be happy to take it off your hands. Somebody’s got to think about all those homeless strippers.

30 Ridiculously Dumb Tech Warning Labels

30 Ridiculously Dumb Tech Warning Labels

Tech products have some really stupid disclaimers. Here are 30 of the worst we’ve seen.

Flavor Flav Named ‘Least Dangerous Celebrity in Cyberspace’

Flavor Flav Named ‘Least Dangerous Celebrity in Cyberspace’

Searching for Flavor Flav on the Web poses virtually no danger of contracting malware, security analysts say. “Quite frankly, no one gives a rat’s ass about that guy,” one engineer explains.

Top 15 Reasons MySpace Picked That Terrible Logo

Top 15 Reasons MySpace Picked That Terrible Logo

The new MySpace logo may look like a total joke, but that’s probably just because you don’t know the whole story behind it. Behold: the 15 real reasons MySpace went with that godawful design.

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

Today’s trending Twitter topic: The hashtag #bootycallrules. Yes, there are strict rules for this sort of thing — and you better memorize them if you ever want to hit that.