Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Holy Sex! How Seeking God Can Get You Laid

Holy Sex! How Seeking God Can Get You Laid

Looking for sizzling sex? A higher power could help. Dr. Smartass reveals one of science’s best-kept secrets.

eSarcasm’s Tech Lingo Translation Guide

eSarcasm’s Tech Lingo Translation Guide

Think you know tech lingo? You’re probably wrong. From “social media expert” to “pwning a n00b,” our superaccurate translation machine reveals the real meaning of all your favorite tech phrases.

5 of the World’s Strangest Cell Phones

5 of the World’s Strangest Cell Phones

A flute phone? A cigarette phone? Yeah — there are some weird mobile devices out there. These are five of the oddest we’ve seen.

    eSarcasm Widgets

eSarcasm Spotlight

Memo to Murdoch: We Will Buy MySpace

Memo to Murdoch: We Will Buy MySpace

So MySpace is for sale, eh? No worries, Rupe — we’d be happy to take it off your hands. Somebody’s got to think about all those homeless strippers.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Gabrielle Anwar

Hump Day Hottie: Gabrielle Anwar

This Burn Notice babe is smoking hot. Also, she loves blowing things up. What more could you want?

Video: Puppet Steve Jobs Explains the iPad

Video: Puppet Steve Jobs Explains the iPad

Puppet Steve Jobs sits down with Puppet Walt Mossberg to reveal the truth about the iPad, Apple’s design process, and his feelings on tech journalism.

iToons: Is Google Buying Lemonade Stands Yet?

iToons: Is Google Buying Lemonade Stands Yet?

We’ve got a hot tip about Google’s next big buy. Just don’t tell the kids around the corner.

Hump Day Hottie: Filippa Hamilton

Hump Day Hottie: Filippa Hamilton

We’ve totally flipped over Filippa; she’s a prize at twice her size

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Your Cheatin’ Art

Your Cheatin’ Art

Want to break a few Commandments? Sites like the Ashley Madison Agency make adultery as easy as 123. But repent, would-be sinners, before you tumble into the pit of Hell.

Six High Tech Inventions We’d Like to See

Six High Tech Inventions We’d Like to See

Gadgets that let you recognize faces or resolve disputes are so 2009. The real action is in gizmos that provide anal detection, flatulence redirection, and The Groper.

Pinocchio Sex Tapes Circulating Across Net

Pinocchio Sex Tapes Circulating Across Net

A porn video featuring the star of “Shrek Forever After” with an underage Marionette is spreading across the Web. Really. Would we lie to you?

Google Decides ‘Screw It, Let’s Just Be Evil’

Google Decides ‘Screw It, Let’s Just Be Evil’

More than a decade after issuing its famous “Don’t be evil” directive, Google decides to go all in with Satan. Their new corporate motto? We Own Your Ass.

The Real Color of Attraction

The Real Color of Attraction

When it comes to attraction, there’s only one color you need to remember. Dr. Smartass explains the science behind the palette of love.

AT&T Vying For ‘Worst Company Ever’ Award

AT&T Vying For ‘Worst Company Ever’ Award

An AT&T executive says the company has been quietly competing for a prestigious “Worst Company Ever” distinction. Ah, yes…suddenly, it all makes sense.

We’re Suing Apple, Michael Arrington, and 8 Others

We’re Suing Apple, Michael Arrington, and 8 Others

eSarcasm LLC would like to formally announce lawsuits against Michael Arrington, Apple, AT&T, and a bunch of other places that are really starting to piss us off.