Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

12 More Companies Google Should Acquire

12 More Companies Google Should Acquire

Dear Google: Please acquire these 12 companies. It would provide great comic relief. Love, eSarcasm

Too Little Too Latex: Government Probes Condom-Free Desires

Too Little Too Latex: Government Probes Condom-Free Desires

Try this one on for size: The government is paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to research why men don’t like wearing condoms. Yes, really.

Six Truly Terrifying Geek Halloween Costumes

Six Truly Terrifying Geek Halloween Costumes

Stuck for a Halloween costume? There’s still time to go as one of these scary geeks. Just don’t blame us if instead of giving you candy they sic the dogs on you.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

How Sluts are Saving the Species

How Sluts are Saving the Species

The next time you see a girl in a tight shirt and short skirt, you should stop and say thank you — but not for the reason you might expect. Dr. Smartass explains.

Quickies

iToons: The Pain of Being an Apple Fanboy

iToons: The Pain of Being an Apple Fanboy

If it’s made by Apple, it must be good — right?

iToons: What Was Steve Jobs Like As a Child?

iToons: What Was Steve Jobs Like As a Child?

They say someone’s childhood can explain a lot about his personality. Looking back at young Steve Jobs, it suddenly all makes sense.

Hump Day Hottie: Alina Kabaeva

Hump Day Hottie: Alina Kabaeva

Flirting with this close personal friend of Prime Minister Putin is like playing Russian Roulette. Meet the gal who makes Vlad glad.

iToons: The Last Will and Testament of the Social Media Expert

iToons: The Last Will and Testament of the Social Media Expert

Some people leave their loved ones property or family heirlooms. With “social media experts,” however, the last will tends to be a little less concrete.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

How Do You Define Sex?

How Do You Define Sex?

Which intimate acts count as sex and which are just innocent drive-bys? Some of science’s foremost sexperts decided to search for the answer.

Help, I’ve Just Been Psychologically Profiled on Twitter

Help, I’ve Just Been Psychologically Profiled on Twitter

A recently launched service claims to create psychological profiles based purely on what you tweet. We put it to the test — and may be checking into the nearest asylum as a result.

To Follow or Not to Follow: A Twitter Guide

To Follow or Not to Follow: A Twitter Guide

Having trouble separating the tweeps from the creeps? Let our scrupulously researched, deeply thoughtful decision guide do the thinking for you.

The World’s Greatest Geek Lingerie

The World’s Greatest Geek Lingerie

Nintendo-themed naughties? Check. iPhone-styled thong? Check. When it comes to hot women wearing geeky lingerie, this is as good as it gets.

Apple Bans Itself From App Store

Apple Bans Itself From App Store

In a never-before-seen move, Apple has just banned itself from its own App Store. “We have determined this company is no longer appropriate,” a notification says.

15 Things You Didn’t Know About Facebook

15 Things You Didn’t Know About Facebook

In honor of Facebook’s 500-million member milestone, we offer these fun factoids about the social network everyone either loves or loathes.

When Schlongs Go Wrong: Small Penis, Big Problems

When Schlongs Go Wrong: Small Penis, Big Problems

Feeling down? Having a tough time making it through the day? Forget what Dr. Phil says — it might just be because of your dangle.