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Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

5 Reasons Internet Porn Is Good For America

5 Reasons Internet Porn Is Good For America

Some say the Web’s proliferation of porn is eating away at America’s morals. Dr. Smartass, however, says it’s making us better citizens — and he has the hard data to prove it.

EXCLUSIVE: Photos of the All-New, All-White Apple iPad 2

EXCLUSIVE: Photos of the All-New, All-White Apple iPad 2

Yes, it’s true. In two days our long wait will be over and the White iPad 2 will be upon us. We’ve got exclusive photos of Apple’s next miracle gadget. Prepare to be blown away.

Read This Story, Get Way Smarter

Read This Story, Get Way Smarter

Using technology can change your brain — and not always for the better. Here’s a primer on how your tech habits might be helping or hurting your IQ.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Chart: The Truth About Twitter’s Traffic

Chart: The Truth About Twitter’s Traffic

Despite reports that Twitter’s traffic is flatlining, a new study says 27 million tweets are being sent every day. So what gives? Here’s a breakdown.

Quickies

Video: Google-China Negotiations Hit Impasse

Video: Google-China Negotiations Hit Impasse

We have obtained secret footage of last-ditch negotiations between the Beijing government and Google officials, trying to stave off a confrontation (but sadly failing).

Hump Day Hottie: Olivia Munn

Hump Day Hottie: Olivia Munn

Munn for all and all for Munn. Olivia we O-lovya.

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Grunewald

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Grunewald

We don’t know what’s stuck to this Danish beauty’s nylons, but we want to lick them too.

iToons: How Twitter Has Changed Our Lives

iToons: How Twitter Has Changed Our Lives

It’s true: Twitter has revolutionized the world. But not necessarily in a good way.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

eSarcasm’s Tech Lingo Translation Guide

eSarcasm’s Tech Lingo Translation Guide

Think you know tech lingo? You’re probably wrong. From “social media expert” to “pwning a n00b,” our superaccurate translation machine reveals the real meaning of all your favorite tech phrases.

Coming Soon: Sex Spray to Help You Last Longer

Coming Soon: Sex Spray to Help You Last Longer

This ain’t your grandparents’ Binaca: Scientists have developed a simple spray that can turn your below-the-belt buddy into the Energizer Bunny. At least, relatively speaking.

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Not that we would ever try using one one of these. But in case you’re ever tempted, remember: Nobody ever got laid after saying any of these things. Trust us.

Sex Secret: Women Love Hairy Geeks

Sex Secret: Women Love Hairy Geeks

Screw the square-jawed, six-packed stunners — good old-fashioned geeks are what women really want. Just ask Dr. Smartass.

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

You can now earn Foursquare badges for getting STD tests, so why stop there? eSarcasm is proud to offer a new line of Foursquare sex badges, including the SlutScout and the Back Door Master.

How to Use ‘Tweet’ and Other Dumb Internet Rules

How to Use ‘Tweet’ and Other Dumb Internet Rules

Do you know the right way to use the word “tweet”? How about “like,” “LOL,” or “cybersex”? There are rules for these things, you know. Read up and learn.

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

With every new technological innovation, an old activity becomes outdated. From heading to the arcade to wearing a calculator watch, here are 40 things either gone or in danger of disappearing.