Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Interview with the World’s First Asexual Ant

Interview with the World’s First Asexual Ant

Scientists have discovered the first known species of completely asexual ants. So why’d the lady crawlers decide to dispense with dudes? We sit down with the queen to find out.

Tweet It!

Tweet It!

The theme song for the Twitter-obsessed, as sung to Michael Jackson’s “Beat It.”

Oldest Living Microsoft Fanboy Tells All

Oldest Living Microsoft Fanboy Tells All

When Microsoft gets criticized unfairly on the Net, people like Hyrum Winsocki leap to its defense. eSarcasm gets up close and personal with the original MSFT Fanboy.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

7 Simple Rules of Online Dating

7 Simple Rules of Online Dating

Hooking up with someone online doesn’t have to be difficult. Just follow these seven simple rules, and you’ll be clicking your way to climactic glory.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Grunewald

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Grunewald

We don’t know what’s stuck to this Danish beauty’s nylons, but we want to lick them too.

iToons: Introducing AT&T’s Data Police

iToons: Introducing AT&T’s Data Police

Wondering what AT&T’s data-usage “incentives” might look like? Here’s one idea.

Hump Day Hottie: Sophie Turner

Hump Day Hottie: Sophie Turner

Meet Australian supermodel Sophie Turner. Now we know why they call it the “land of wonder.”

iToons: How Twitter Has Changed Our Lives

iToons: How Twitter Has Changed Our Lives

It’s true: Twitter has revolutionized the world. But not necessarily in a good way.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

eSarcasm in Late-Stage Negotiations to Acquire TechCrunch

eSarcasm in Late-Stage Negotiations to Acquire TechCrunch

Yes, TC is apparently for sale, and we’re apparently buying them. Even we can’t keep these things straight.

Which Social Network Is Right For You?

Which Social Network Is Right For You?

According to a new study by Nielsen, preppies flock to Facebook while greasers mingle on MySpace. But where should the rest of us go? Here’s a handy guide.

25 More Sexting Acronyms Parents Should Know

25 More Sexting Acronyms Parents Should Know

Your teens are doing the nasty on their cell phones and you don’t know even know it. God, you’re so lame. We can’t believe you’re their parents. You make us wish they’d never been born. OMG.

Interview with the World’s First Asexual Ant

Interview with the World’s First Asexual Ant

Scientists have discovered the first known species of completely asexual ants. So why’d the lady crawlers decide to dispense with dudes? We sit down with the queen to find out.

Six Truly Terrifying Geek Halloween Costumes

Six Truly Terrifying Geek Halloween Costumes

Stuck for a Halloween costume? There’s still time to go as one of these scary geeks. Just don’t blame us if instead of giving you candy they sic the dogs on you.

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

You can now earn Foursquare badges for getting STD tests, so why stop there? eSarcasm is proud to offer a new line of Foursquare sex badges, including the SlutScout and the Back Door Master.

5 Strange Ways Animals Have Served in Armies

5 Strange Ways Animals Have Served in Armies

From spying squirrels to bomb-sniffing bees, animals have served some unusual roles in military operations. Here are the five of the strangest attempted army-animal combinations.