Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Leak Reveals Apple’s True Attitude Towards Media

Leak Reveals Apple’s True Attitude Towards Media

We’ve gotten our hands on yet another internal Apple memo dealing with the iPhone 4’s antenna problems and the media. It’s much worse than you think.

Six High Tech Inventions We’d Like to See

Six High Tech Inventions We’d Like to See

Gadgets that let you recognize faces or resolve disputes are so 2009. The real action is in gizmos that provide anal detection, flatulence redirection, and The Groper.

Scientists Solve Mystery of How Cats Drink Without Getting Wet

Scientists Solve Mystery of How Cats Drink Without Getting Wet

Scientists have finally uncovered the answer to one of nature’s most elusive mysteries. And it’s a lot simpler than you think.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

EXCLUSIVE: Photos of the All-New, All-White Apple iPad 2

EXCLUSIVE: Photos of the All-New, All-White Apple iPad 2

Yes, it’s true. In two days our long wait will be over and the White iPad 2 will be upon us. We’ve got exclusive photos of Apple’s next miracle gadget. Prepare to be blown away.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Christian Serratos

Hump Day Hottie: Christian Serratos

This Twilight star shows her love — and a lot more — for the small and the furry.

iToons: The New Twitter’s Secret Weapon

iToons: The New Twitter’s Secret Weapon

Twitter’s new design is about increasing interaction — but not in the way you might think.

iToons: If Tech Support Were Run Like Health Care

iToons: If Tech Support Were Run Like Health Care

If tech support starts taking cues from America’s health insurance companies, we’re seriously moving to Canada.

Hump Day Hottie: Taylor Swift

Hump Day Hottie: Taylor Swift

She may not have been Ms. Right for Mr. Gyllenhaal, but Taylor Swift can strum her way into our hearts anytime.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Exclusive: The 25 Worst Geek Pickup Lines of All Time

Not that we would ever try using one one of these. But in case you’re ever tempted, remember: Nobody ever got laid after saying any of these things. Trust us.

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

What’s in a name? A lot, according to some recent research. Dr. Smartass has your guide to interpreting what your name tells the world.

Take the Chat-Status Personality Test

Take the Chat-Status Personality Test

Your online chat status tells the world far more than you realize. Dr. Smartass explains what your instant messaging settings say about your personality.

Some Big News About Breasts

Some Big News About Breasts

Something big is happening in the world of breast research. Really big. Super-duper big. Are you ready for this?

Read This Story, Get Way Smarter

Read This Story, Get Way Smarter

Using technology can change your brain — and not always for the better. Here’s a primer on how your tech habits might be helping or hurting your IQ.

Sex-Ed Goes High-Tech

Sex-Ed Goes High-Tech

A new online game attempts to teach teens about sex using characters like The Sperminator, Wonder Vag, and Willy the Kid. Yes, really.

‘Evil Tech Idol’ Names Final Three Contenders

‘Evil Tech Idol’ Names Final Three Contenders

Following a shocking results night elimination, Apple, Comcast, and Facebook will advance to the final showdown in this year’s Evil Tech Idol competition.