Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Flavor Flav Named ‘Least Dangerous Celebrity in Cyberspace’

Flavor Flav Named ‘Least Dangerous Celebrity in Cyberspace’

Searching for Flavor Flav on the Web poses virtually no danger of contracting malware, security analysts say. “Quite frankly, no one gives a rat’s ass about that guy,” one engineer explains.

Tweets Between the Sheets: We’re All Social Media Junkies

Tweets Between the Sheets: We’re All Social Media Junkies

A survey reports that nearly half of all Facebook and Twitter users update their status from bed. But that’s hardly the only proof we’re social media addicts. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Avoid the Condoms, Stick With the Barley Loaf

Avoid the Condoms, Stick With the Barley Loaf

What do contraception, male love juice, John Madden and barley loaves have in common? We were hoping you could tell us. Join us for a long strange trip into our reader mailbag.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

What Your Typing Style Says About Your Brain

What Your Typing Style Says About Your Brain

The way you type could reveal a lot about that scrambled omelette you call a brain. Dr. Smartass explains why one common style could be cause for concern.

Quickies

iToons: Get Ready For Twitter Therapy

iToons: Get Ready For Twitter Therapy

Is social media making you feel insecure? Inadequate? Incontinent? You aren’t alone — and help is available.

iToons: If Microsoft Had Run Butterball’s Turkey Talk-Line

iToons: If Microsoft Had Run Butterball’s Turkey Talk-Line

Thanksgiving might have been a bit more confusing had Microsoft helped you cook your bird.

Hump Day Hottie: Adrianne Palicki

Hump Day Hottie: Adrianne Palicki

Oh Adrianne, if we’d only known you in high school. Or even now.

iToons: Is Google Buying Lemonade Stands Yet?

iToons: Is Google Buying Lemonade Stands Yet?

We’ve got a hot tip about Google’s next big buy. Just don’t tell the kids around the corner.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Study Finds 99.7 Percent of Blog Posts Are Identical

Study Finds 99.7 Percent of Blog Posts Are Identical

Nearly all blog posts regurgitate information written elsewhere, say researchers at the American Research Institute for the Advancement of American Research.

Holy Sex! How Seeking God Can Get You Laid

Holy Sex! How Seeking God Can Get You Laid

Looking for sizzling sex? A higher power could help. Dr. Smartass reveals one of science’s best-kept secrets.

Christ Renews eSarcasm Endorsement

Christ Renews eSarcasm Endorsement

eSarcasm is pleased to announce the renewed endorsement of Jesus Christ for the year 2010 A.D. “We feel like our business has been resurrected,” the site’s founders say.

5 Reasons Why We Hate ’5 Reasons Why’ Stories

5 Reasons Why We Hate ’5 Reasons Why’ Stories

Why must so many blog posts revolve around “5 reasons”-this or “5 reasons”-that? How about some originality, people?

Ass-cuse Me, Butt Will You Sit In This Chair?

Ass-cuse Me, Butt Will You Sit In This Chair?

Someone has invented a chair that automatically copies the ass of anyone sitting on it. This is an idea we simply cannot get behind.

The iDress: An eSarcasm Endorsement

The iDress: An eSarcasm Endorsement

An Australian clothing company has come out with a new dress made specifically for holding iPads. We felt compelled to share some thoughts on this delightful innovation.

Welcome to McDonald’s; We Saw Her On Her Knees

Welcome to McDonald’s; We Saw Her On Her Knees

A man is suing McDonald’s, claiming an employee published risqué pics of his wife after finding his phone in the store. Here’s the latest, sung to “Welcome to the Jungle.”