Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

He’d be out there pitching Windows Phone 7 handsets. Here’s how that might go, to the tune of Green Eggs & Ham. (Warning: Not safe for kiddies or excessively mature adults.)

New York Times Names Michael Arrington ‘Ethics Czar’

New York Times Names Michael Arrington ‘Ethics Czar’

TechCrunch editor to drag newspaper kicking and screaming into the morally flexible, douchebag-friendly world of Ethics 2.0

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Smells Like Geek Spirit

Smells Like Geek Spirit

Sony’s started spraying retail stores with the scents of vanilla, mandarin, and bourbon — and it’s not the only tech giant playing with the power of aroma.

Quickies

iToons: Introducing AT&T’s Data Police

iToons: Introducing AT&T’s Data Police

Wondering what AT&T’s data-usage “incentives” might look like? Here’s one idea.

iToons: The Wrath of Jobs, the Wrath of God

iToons: The Wrath of Jobs, the Wrath of God

When you touch the forbidden fruit, you have to deal with the consequences.

iToons: CrackBerry Downgraded In America’s War on Drugs

iToons: CrackBerry Downgraded In America’s War on Drugs

Thanks to a massive decrease in usage, the U.S. government says RIM’s BlackBerry phone — aka the CrackBerry — is no longer a target in the war on drugs.

Hump Day Hottie: Debrahlee Lorenzana

Hump Day Hottie: Debrahlee Lorenzana

Is this Puerto Italiarican stunner too hot for corporate America? You can bank on it.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

What Your Username Says About You

What Your Username Says About You

A username can make or break you on the Net. So does your handle say “stud” or “dud”? Dr. Smartass has some guidelines to help you figure it out.

Apple Making Microscopically Small iPhone

Apple Making Microscopically Small iPhone

The new iPhone Nano will be so small you’ll need a magnifying glass to see it and so cheap Apple will be paying you to use one. Hey, we read it on the InterWebs, so it must be true.

Chart: The Truth About Twitter’s Traffic

Chart: The Truth About Twitter’s Traffic

Despite reports that Twitter’s traffic is flatlining, a new study says 27 million tweets are being sent every day. So what gives? Here’s a breakdown.

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Preposterous Product Names

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Preposterous Product Names

Care for a Portable Penetrator, or perhaps some Jussipussi with a scoop of CreaMass? Yeah…we couldn’t make this shit up if we tried.

Frak The Shack: 25 Better Ways to Rebrand RadioShack

Frak The Shack: 25 Better Ways to Rebrand RadioShack

RadioShack is attempting to reinvent itself by taking on a new name: “The Shack.” Come on, RS — you can do better than that. Here are 25 more appropriate alternatives.

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

What’s in a name? A lot, according to some recent research. Dr. Smartass has your guide to interpreting what your name tells the world.

Wikipedia-Flavored Beef and 12 Other Delicious Dishes

Wikipedia-Flavored Beef and 12 Other Delicious Dishes

A Chinese restaurant’s “Wikipedia-flavored” entrée inspired us to cook up some tech-tinged dishes of our own. Care to try the Moo Goo Google or Microsoft Lo Mein For Home Dining?