Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Craigslist Says It Will Show No Mo Ho’s

Craigslist Says It Will Show No Mo Ho’s

Craigslist has caved and censored its Adult Services ads, thus putting an end to prostitution for all time. Or something like that.

The Secret to a Sexy Profile Picture

The Secret to a Sexy Profile Picture

What you don’t know about your profile picture could hurt you. Dr. Smartass lays bare what men and women really want to see when it comes to self-promoting snapshots.

‘Evil Tech Idol’ Names Final Three Contenders

‘Evil Tech Idol’ Names Final Three Contenders

Following a shocking results night elimination, Apple, Comcast, and Facebook will advance to the final showdown in this year’s Evil Tech Idol competition.

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If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

He’d be out there pitching Windows Phone 7 handsets. Here’s how that might go, to the tune of Green Eggs & Ham. (Warning: Not safe for kiddies or excessively mature adults.)

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Video: If Yesterday’s Movies Had Today’s Smartphones…

Video: If Yesterday’s Movies Had Today’s Smartphones…

Classic movies would have been a lot different if the characters had carried smartphones. Don’t take our word for it, though: Watch this video and see for yourself.

iToons: Conan O’Brien, IT Professional?

iToons: Conan O’Brien, IT Professional?

Forget Fox or Comedy Central — Conan’s “Tonight Show” experience might lead him to a job in IT.

Hump Day Hottie: Irina Shayk

Hump Day Hottie: Irina Shayk

There’s a whole lotta Shayk going on with this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover model.

Something Smells. Oh — It’s the Internet

Something Smells. Oh — It’s the Internet

Get a whiff of this: A communications company is getting ready to test a new Web-controlled scent system for your office or home. Do you smell what we smell?

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Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

5 of the World’s Strangest Cell Phones

5 of the World’s Strangest Cell Phones

A flute phone? A cigarette phone? Yeah — there are some weird mobile devices out there. These are five of the oddest we’ve seen.

Craigslist Cleaned Up: Inside the New Adult Services

Craigslist Cleaned Up: Inside the New Adult Services

Craigslist cleaned up its adult service offerings to curb the blatant sale of sex online. So is the new approach really working? eSarcasm investigates.

Characters Outraged Over Video Game Minority Report

Characters Outraged Over Video Game Minority Report

Industry insiders are fuming over a new report that finds video games don’t have enough minority characters. “Why should only white men be virtually maimed?” the Characters Union asks.

Coming Soon: Sex Spray to Help You Last Longer

Coming Soon: Sex Spray to Help You Last Longer

This ain’t your grandparents’ Binaca: Scientists have developed a simple spray that can turn your below-the-belt buddy into the Energizer Bunny. At least, relatively speaking.

Help, I’ve Just Been Psychologically Profiled on Twitter

Help, I’ve Just Been Psychologically Profiled on Twitter

A recently launched service claims to create psychological profiles based purely on what you tweet. We put it to the test — and may be checking into the nearest asylum as a result.

Urologists Concerned Over Rise In U.S. Smartphone Penetration

Urologists Concerned Over Rise In U.S. Smartphone Penetration

“Why anyone would do that to a piece of technology is beyond me,” says one physician.

Read This Story, Get Way Smarter

Read This Story, Get Way Smarter

Using technology can change your brain — and not always for the better. Here’s a primer on how your tech habits might be helping or hurting your IQ.