Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Michael Bolton to Release ‘Worst Of’ Retrospective

Michael Bolton to Release ‘Worst Of’ Retrospective

Bolton to revisit embarrassingly bad songs as part of compilation for new Amazon music-streaming service; Phil Collins reportedly in talks as well.

The Funniest Words From Google’s ‘Instant’ Blacklist

The Funniest Words From Google’s ‘Instant’ Blacklist

Google has banned hundreds of terms from showing up in its “Instant” search results — and some of them are more than a little bizarre.

Inside AT&T’s New Social Media Strategy

Inside AT&T’s New Social Media Strategy

AT&T is turning to social media to try to fix its battered image. After seeing the company’s plan, though, we’re not so sure it’s going to work.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

To Follow or Not to Follow: A Twitter Guide

To Follow or Not to Follow: A Twitter Guide

Having trouble separating the tweeps from the creeps? Let our scrupulously researched, deeply thoughtful decision guide do the thinking for you.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Julia Hurley

Hump Day Hottie: Julia Hurley

This state senator from Tennessee is a former Hooters gal. She also knows a few neat rope tricks.

Hump Day Hottie: Georgia Salpa

Hump Day Hottie: Georgia Salpa

This lovely Irish lass makes us green with envy.

Hump Day Hottie: Claudia Lynx

Hump Day Hottie: Claudia Lynx

Meet the “Goddess of Persia.” Maybe those Iranians are on to something.

Hump Day Hottie: Heidi Montag

Hump Day Hottie: Heidi Montag

This reality TV star and Playboy model makes plastic look fantastic.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Breaking: Google in Discussions to Acquire eSarcasm for $50 or More

Breaking: Google in Discussions to Acquire eSarcasm for $50 or More

The search giant is once again in talks to engulf and devour eSarcasm in a deal valued at nearly three figures, sources report. An eSarcasm exclusive.

The Best Way to Break Up

The Best Way to Break Up

Breaking up isn’t easy, but Dr. Smartass has some science-tested steps to make it sting a little less. (He told us they were science-tested, anyway — to be honest, we’re not fully convinced.)

‘Evil Tech Idol’ Names Final Three Contenders

‘Evil Tech Idol’ Names Final Three Contenders

Following a shocking results night elimination, Apple, Comcast, and Facebook will advance to the final showdown in this year’s Evil Tech Idol competition.

The 3.5-Inch Floppy Disk: An Exit Interview

The 3.5-Inch Floppy Disk: An Exit Interview

In an exclusive interview, the soon-to-be-unemployed 3.5-inch floppy opens up about his past, his future, and the life of sex and drugs that overtook his old colleague 5.25.

Five More Ways to Avoid Getting Sued on Twitter

Five More Ways to Avoid Getting Sued on Twitter

The wrong tweets can land you up to your ass in attorneys. Our advice? Avoid Webcam girls, crystal meth, and Julia Allison.

Leak Reveals Apple’s True Attitude Towards Media

Leak Reveals Apple’s True Attitude Towards Media

We’ve gotten our hands on yet another internal Apple memo dealing with the iPhone 4’s antenna problems and the media. It’s much worse than you think.

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

What’s in a name? A lot, according to some recent research. Dr. Smartass has your guide to interpreting what your name tells the world.