Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Are You a Certified Facebook Douche?

Are You a Certified Facebook Douche?

We’re launching a campaign to seek out and identify the world’s worst Certified Facebook Douches. Can you help?

Introducing ‘Abstinence’: The Virtual Reality Video Game

Introducing ‘Abstinence’: The Virtual Reality Video Game

A new virtual-reality video game promises to help you practice saying no to sex. Wait a minute — what?!

Google Condoms: Coming Soon?

Google Condoms: Coming Soon?

This just in: Google has actually toyed with the idea of making a Google-branded condom (yes, seriously). Here are 20 slogans that could appear on the gRubber wrappers.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Walk This Way: Her Strut and Her Sexuality

Walk This Way: Her Strut and Her Sexuality

The way she walks can tell you a lot about the way she does certain other things. Dr. Smartass explains in this week’s reader Q&A.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Stephanie Seymour

Hump Day Hottie: Stephanie Seymour

Meet our new favorite MILF. We’d love to see more of Ms. Seymour.

iToons: The Twitter-Enabled Funeral of the Future

iToons: The Twitter-Enabled Funeral of the Future

Displaying real-time tweets is all the rage at conferences these days. Taking the practice to a funeral, however, could prove mortally embarrassing.

Hump Day Hottie: Rima Fakih

Hump Day Hottie: Rima Fakih

Miss USA 2010 knows her way around a stripper’s pole — and that’s just one more reason to love her.

iToons: If GoDaddy Ran the Mafia…

iToons: If GoDaddy Ran the Mafia…

If GoDaddy’s sales team took over the mafia, it might look a little something like this.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

With every new technological innovation, an old activity becomes outdated. From heading to the arcade to wearing a calculator watch, here are 40 things either gone or in danger of disappearing.

Oops! 15 Unintentionally Dirty URLs

Oops! 15 Unintentionally Dirty URLs

They may sound filthy, but ferrethandjobs.com and penisland.net are perfectly innocent sites. Here are 15 of the Web’s most accidentally vulgar addresses.

Pope Announces New Catholics-Only Social Network

Pope Announces New Catholics-Only Social Network

Christened ‘Gracebook,’ the holy social network plans to bring Facebook to its knees. An eSarcasm exclusive.

New Online Dating Service Offers Membership Only to Uggos

New Online Dating Service Offers Membership Only to Uggos

Screw BeautifulPeople.com. If your goblin-like appearance frequently frightens small children, AbsoluteUggos may be the dating site for you.

Coming Soon: Sex Spray to Help You Last Longer

Coming Soon: Sex Spray to Help You Last Longer

This ain’t your grandparents’ Binaca: Scientists have developed a simple spray that can turn your below-the-belt buddy into the Energizer Bunny. At least, relatively speaking.

The Secret to a Sexy Profile Picture

The Secret to a Sexy Profile Picture

What you don’t know about your profile picture could hurt you. Dr. Smartass lays bare what men and women really want to see when it comes to self-promoting snapshots.

Apple iPad Users Suffering From ‘Miracle Fatigue’

Apple iPad Users Suffering From ‘Miracle Fatigue’

As Apple gets ready to introduce the iPad 2 on March 2, experts fear that iPad fans may not be able to withstand another miraculous, life-changing device.