Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

How Do You Define Sex?

How Do You Define Sex?

Which intimate acts count as sex and which are just innocent drive-bys? Some of science’s foremost sexperts decided to search for the answer.

Tweets Between the Sheets: We’re All Social Media Junkies

Tweets Between the Sheets: We’re All Social Media Junkies

A survey reports that nearly half of all Facebook and Twitter users update their status from bed. But that’s hardly the only proof we’re social media addicts. An eSarcasm exclusive.

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Preposterous Product Names

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Preposterous Product Names

Care for a Portable Penetrator, or perhaps some Jussipussi with a scoop of CreaMass? Yeah…we couldn’t make this shit up if we tried.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

How Sluts are Saving the Species

How Sluts are Saving the Species

The next time you see a girl in a tight shirt and short skirt, you should stop and say thank you — but not for the reason you might expect. Dr. Smartass explains.

Quickies

iToons: Even the Elves Have Hardware Failures

iToons: Even the Elves Have Hardware Failures

They may work for Santa, but the IT elves at the North Pole still have their share of server problems.

iToons: The Foolproof Way to Escape Facebook

iToons: The Foolproof Way to Escape Facebook

Deleting your Facebook profile isn’t easy — but there’s one surefire way to escape the social network’s grasp.

iToons: The Pain of Being an Apple Fanboy

iToons: The Pain of Being an Apple Fanboy

If it’s made by Apple, it must be good — right?

Hump Day Hottie: Raquel Gibson

Hump Day Hottie: Raquel Gibson

What do you get when you mix Italian beauty with Filipino? Heaven itself — and her name is Raquel.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

25 Ways to Tell If You’re a Hopeless Geek

25 Ways to Tell If You’re a Hopeless Geek

Have you gone full dweebtard? Hey, it can happen to the best of us. Take our 25-question true or false quiz to find out.

EXCLUSIVE: iPhone 5 to Include ‘Invisible Fence’ Protection

EXCLUSIVE: iPhone 5 to Include ‘Invisible Fence’ Protection

Following the implementation of tamper-resistant screws on its products, Apple will begin installing electric fences on iPhones to prevent users from opening the cases.

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Steve Jobs is a bicycle. Sarah Palin killed Michael Jackson. People type weird shit into Google — and you need look no further than its Auto-Complete feature to get a glimpse.

Hard Drive: 14 Killer Features of the Bill Gates Condom

Hard Drive: 14 Killer Features of the Bill Gates Condom

Bill Gates is working on the next generation of condoms (yes, seriously) — and only eSarcasm has the skinny on how the high-tech rubbers will revolutionize sex as we know it.

We’re Suing Apple, Michael Arrington, and 8 Others

We’re Suing Apple, Michael Arrington, and 8 Others

eSarcasm LLC would like to formally announce lawsuits against Michael Arrington, Apple, AT&T, and a bunch of other places that are really starting to piss us off.

What Your Username Says About You

What Your Username Says About You

A username can make or break you on the Net. So does your handle say “stud” or “dud”? Dr. Smartass has some guidelines to help you figure it out.

Wikipedia-Flavored Beef and 12 Other Delicious Dishes

Wikipedia-Flavored Beef and 12 Other Delicious Dishes

A Chinese restaurant’s “Wikipedia-flavored” entrée inspired us to cook up some tech-tinged dishes of our own. Care to try the Moo Goo Google or Microsoft Lo Mein For Home Dining?