Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

He’d be out there pitching Windows Phone 7 handsets. Here’s how that might go, to the tune of Green Eggs & Ham. (Warning: Not safe for kiddies or excessively mature adults.)

Inside AT&T’s New Social Media Strategy

Inside AT&T’s New Social Media Strategy

AT&T is turning to social media to try to fix its battered image. After seeing the company’s plan, though, we’re not so sure it’s going to work.

Interview With The Spermatozoa

Interview With The Spermatozoa

The first artificial male reproductive cell has been created by UK researchers. We had a chance to sit down and chat with the sperm they call Ivy Dee.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

The Super Bowl Ads They Don’t Want You to See

The Super Bowl Ads They Don’t Want You to See

The networks call them objectionable; we think they’re delectable. Here are our picks for the best banned Super Bowl ads of all time. Prepare for farting, man-on-man snarfling, and asparagus love.

Quickies

iToons: Some Things Shouldn’t Be Tweeted

iToons: Some Things Shouldn’t Be Tweeted

Rule of thumb: If it involves any kind of insertion, it shouldn’t be shared on a social network.

Hump Day Hottie: Raffaella Fico

Hump Day Hottie: Raffaella Fico

More than soccer fans score big with this Italian import. Ché bella donna!

Hump Day Hottie: Claudia Lynx

Hump Day Hottie: Claudia Lynx

Meet the “Goddess of Persia.” Maybe those Iranians are on to something.

iToons: A Different Kind of Death Grip

iToons: A Different Kind of Death Grip

As many young men have learned, smartphones aren’t the only things that suffer when gripped too firmly.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Tweets Between the Sheets: We’re All Social Media Junkies

Tweets Between the Sheets: We’re All Social Media Junkies

A survey reports that nearly half of all Facebook and Twitter users update their status from bed. But that’s hardly the only proof we’re social media addicts. An eSarcasm exclusive.

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

Today’s trending Twitter topic: The hashtag #bootycallrules. Yes, there are strict rules for this sort of thing — and you better memorize them if you ever want to hit that.

The Super Bowl Ads They Don’t Want You to See

The Super Bowl Ads They Don’t Want You to See

The networks call them objectionable; we think they’re delectable. Here are our picks for the best banned Super Bowl ads of all time. Prepare for farting, man-on-man snarfling, and asparagus love.

Google Condoms: Coming Soon?

Google Condoms: Coming Soon?

This just in: Google has actually toyed with the idea of making a Google-branded condom (yes, seriously). Here are 20 slogans that could appear on the gRubber wrappers.

5 Reasons Internet Porn Is Good For America

5 Reasons Internet Porn Is Good For America

Some say the Web’s proliferation of porn is eating away at America’s morals. Dr. Smartass, however, says it’s making us better citizens — and he has the hard data to prove it.

New York Times Names Michael Arrington ‘Ethics Czar’

New York Times Names Michael Arrington ‘Ethics Czar’

TechCrunch editor to drag newspaper kicking and screaming into the morally flexible, douchebag-friendly world of Ethics 2.0

The 12 Douchiest Things PR People Do

The 12 Douchiest Things PR People Do

Dear public relations professionals: These 12 popular PR moves are incredibly douchey and annoying. Please stop doing them. Love, writers everywhere.