Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg Goes Buck Naked

Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg Goes Buck Naked

Social networking king sheds his chinos to promote Facebook’s new anti-privacy “bare it and share it” campaign.

Avoid the Condoms, Stick With the Barley Loaf

Avoid the Condoms, Stick With the Barley Loaf

What do contraception, male love juice, John Madden and barley loaves have in common? We were hoping you could tell us. Join us for a long strange trip into our reader mailbag.

The Dumbest Questions on Yahoo Answers

The Dumbest Questions on Yahoo Answers

From credit cards stuck in computers to stunning displays of sexual confusion, people have some strange problems — and nowhere makes that more evident than the pages of Yahoo Answers.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

How Sluts are Saving the Species

How Sluts are Saving the Species

The next time you see a girl in a tight shirt and short skirt, you should stop and say thank you — but not for the reason you might expect. Dr. Smartass explains.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Anna Paquin

Hump Day Hottie: Anna Paquin

The True Blood star really sticks her neck out for her art. The other bits aren’t bad, either.

iToons: If Tech Support Were Run Like Health Care

iToons: If Tech Support Were Run Like Health Care

If tech support starts taking cues from America’s health insurance companies, we’re seriously moving to Canada.

iToons: A Different Kind of Death Grip

iToons: A Different Kind of Death Grip

As many young men have learned, smartphones aren’t the only things that suffer when gripped too firmly.

iToons: The Last Will and Testament of the Social Media Expert

iToons: The Last Will and Testament of the Social Media Expert

Some people leave their loved ones property or family heirlooms. With “social media experts,” however, the last will tends to be a little less concrete.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

The Dark Side of Texting

The Dark Side of Texting

Before you open that next text from your special someone, you may want to read what Dr. Smartass discovered.

Coming Soon: Sex Spray to Help You Last Longer

Coming Soon: Sex Spray to Help You Last Longer

This ain’t your grandparents’ Binaca: Scientists have developed a simple spray that can turn your below-the-belt buddy into the Energizer Bunny. At least, relatively speaking.

Study Finds 99.7 Percent of Blog Posts Are Identical

Study Finds 99.7 Percent of Blog Posts Are Identical

Nearly all blog posts regurgitate information written elsewhere, say researchers at the American Research Institute for the Advancement of American Research.

eSarcasm Unveils Groundbreaking New Ethics Policy

eSarcasm Unveils Groundbreaking New Ethics Policy

It’s pretty simple, really. Want us to write about you? It’s going to cost you. Want us to please not write about you? It’ll cost you more. Welcome to eThics 2.0.

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

What do flaming Care Bears, ninnyhammers, and parakeets with intestinal problems have in common? They’re all disturbing — yet real — Google Trends.

The Walkman at 30: An Exclusive Interview

The Walkman at 30: An Exclusive Interview

Sony’s original Walkman turns 30 years old this week. He sat down with eSarcasm for an exclusive interview about his life and ongoing struggles with depression.

Your Avatar Is Fat, Ugly, and Stupid — Just Like You

Your Avatar Is Fat, Ugly, and Stupid — Just Like You

Microsoft’s working on a new system that’d build realistic-looking avatars based on how fit or fat you are. Here are nine big ways we hope the technology will be embraced.