Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Frak The Shack: 25 Better Ways to Rebrand RadioShack

Frak The Shack: 25 Better Ways to Rebrand RadioShack

RadioShack is attempting to reinvent itself by taking on a new name: “The Shack.” Come on, RS — you can do better than that. Here are 25 more appropriate alternatives.

My Fungus, My Penis, My Legacy

My Fungus, My Penis, My Legacy

Every guy likes to think his manhood makes a lasting impression. Now, one man’s willy actually will live on in fame — and he has the fungus among us to thank.

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

What do flaming Care Bears, ninnyhammers, and parakeets with intestinal problems have in common? They’re all disturbing — yet real — Google Trends.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Mark Zuckerberg: The Early Years

Mark Zuckerberg: The Early Years

What was Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg like as a child? A sweaty sheep-throwing computer prodigy, a hopeless dweeb, and a complete dick. Here’s the untold story. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Filippa Hamilton

Hump Day Hottie: Filippa Hamilton

We’ve totally flipped over Filippa; she’s a prize at twice her size

iToons: I Had a Little Android, I Made It Out of Clay…

iToons: I Had a Little Android, I Made It Out of Clay…

This help desk concoction only looks like it was designed for Hanukkah.

Hump Day Hottie: Paulina Gretzky

Hump Day Hottie: Paulina Gretzky

Turns out the daughter of hockey great Wayne Gretzky has a few nifty moves of her own. She shoots, she scores!

Hump Day Hottie: Irina Shayk

Hump Day Hottie: Irina Shayk

There’s a whole lotta Shayk going on with this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover model.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Wear a Condom, Save a Polar Bear

Wear a Condom, Save a Polar Bear

An environmental science group wants us all to have sex to help save endangered animals. This is one mission we can definitely get behind.

Inside WikiLeaks’ Super Secret ‘Thermonuclear’ File

Inside WikiLeaks’ Super Secret ‘Thermonuclear’ File

WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange has threatened to unleash more classifed data if he is harmed. But why wait? We’ve got the skinny on secrets even that asshole has yet to reveal.

Rack Science: Sizing Her Up By Her Breasts

Rack Science: Sizing Her Up By Her Breasts

That hot girl’s bra holds more than just two handfuls of fun. Dr. Smartass explains what breast size and shape can tell you about a woman.

iTunes Psychology: Your Playlist, Your Self

iTunes Psychology: Your Playlist, Your Self

You may not realize it, but your iTunes playlist tells people a lot about your personality. Ready to see what message your music is sending?

20 Tweets Bill Gates Hasn’t Sent Yet (But Probably Will)

20 Tweets Bill Gates Hasn’t Sent Yet (But Probably Will)

The world’s geekiest billionaire has finally signed onto Twitter. What’s he going to tell the world? We have a few ideas.

Cell Phone Etiquette: 26 Simple Rules

Cell Phone Etiquette: 26 Simple Rules

Your cell phone habits are simply horrendous. Mortifying, really. Do us all a favor and commit to these 26 rules of cell phone etiquette. The world will thank you.

25 Ways to Be a Total Tool on Twitter

25 Ways to Be a Total Tool on Twitter

Anyone can be annoying on Twitter, but achieving complete assclown status takes serious dedication. Here are 25 obnoxious Twitter behaviors that ought to get you banned for life.