Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

With every new technological innovation, an old activity becomes outdated. From heading to the arcade to wearing a calculator watch, here are 40 things either gone or in danger of disappearing.

EXCLUSIVE: Photos of the All-New, All-White Apple iPad 2

EXCLUSIVE: Photos of the All-New, All-White Apple iPad 2

Yes, it’s true. In two days our long wait will be over and the White iPad 2 will be upon us. We’ve got exclusive photos of Apple’s next miracle gadget. Prepare to be blown away.

ICANN Locks Itself In Bathroom With .XXX, Refuses to Come Out

ICANN Locks Itself In Bathroom With .XXX, Refuses to Come Out

Governing body says it needs more time to research creating a new domain exclusively for online porn. Can it please just get some privacy? Is that too much to ask?

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Smells Like Geek Spirit

Smells Like Geek Spirit

Sony’s started spraying retail stores with the scents of vanilla, mandarin, and bourbon — and it’s not the only tech giant playing with the power of aroma.

Quickies

iToons: When Twitter Meets Travel

iToons: When Twitter Meets Travel

Think how much easier holiday travel would be if the airlines used Twitter’s API.

iToons: Why Facebook and the Bedroom Don’t Mix

iToons: Why Facebook and the Bedroom Don’t Mix

Some places just shouldn’t have a “like” button. Trust us.

Hump Day Hottie: Leeann Tweeden

Hump Day Hottie: Leeann Tweeden

Meet the hostess of Casino Poker After Dark. We’d like to poke her after dark.

Hump Day Hottie: Sophie Turner

Hump Day Hottie: Sophie Turner

Meet Australian supermodel Sophie Turner. Now we know why they call it the “land of wonder.”

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Swearing Makes You Feel Better, Shitty Study Finds

Swearing Makes You Feel Better, Shitty Study Finds

For the love of science, stop censoring yourself. Swearing holds the power to make you feel physically better, according to a shitty new study out of the U.K.

World’s Largest Telescope Causing Unexpected Arousal

World’s Largest Telescope Causing Unexpected Arousal

Countless women are becoming inexplicably turned on by news of the world’s largest telescope, now set to be built in Hawaii.

5 of the World’s Strangest Cell Phones

5 of the World’s Strangest Cell Phones

A flute phone? A cigarette phone? Yeah — there are some weird mobile devices out there. These are five of the oddest we’ve seen.

The 12 Craziest Google Interview Questions

The 12 Craziest Google Interview Questions

Want to work at Google? Then you’d better be ready to answer some very strange questions — like how many golf balls you can cram into a school bus, or why manhole covers are round.

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Steve Jobs is a bicycle. Sarah Palin killed Michael Jackson. People type weird shit into Google — and you need look no further than its Auto-Complete feature to get a glimpse.

The 3.5-Inch Floppy Disk: An Exit Interview

The 3.5-Inch Floppy Disk: An Exit Interview

In an exclusive interview, the soon-to-be-unemployed 3.5-inch floppy opens up about his past, his future, and the life of sex and drugs that overtook his old colleague 5.25.

Internet Turns 40, Begins Midlife Crisis

Internet Turns 40, Begins Midlife Crisis

Fast cars? Frosted tips? Foxy babes? Yep — looks like the Internet is having a midlife crisis as it creeps up to the big 4-0 this week.