Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

When Schlongs Go Wrong: Small Penis, Big Problems

When Schlongs Go Wrong: Small Penis, Big Problems

Feeling down? Having a tough time making it through the day? Forget what Dr. Phil says — it might just be because of your dangle.

12 More Companies Google Should Acquire

12 More Companies Google Should Acquire

Dear Google: Please acquire these 12 companies. It would provide great comic relief. Love, eSarcasm

The Hottest Geeks on the Planet

The Hottest Geeks on the Planet

Who are the sexiest geeks? Here’s your chance to decide. eSarcasm serves up seven of the hottest nerds on Earth. Vote early and often for your faves.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Inside WikiLeaks’ Super Secret ‘Thermonuclear’ File

Inside WikiLeaks’ Super Secret ‘Thermonuclear’ File

WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange has threatened to unleash more classifed data if he is harmed. But why wait? We’ve got the skinny on secrets even that asshole has yet to reveal.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Anna Chapman

Hump Day Hottie: Anna Chapman

This former Russian spy turned Maxim model has a license to thrill.

Hump Day Hottie: Chelsea Handler

Hump Day Hottie: Chelsea Handler

We’d love to get a handle on this star of “Chelsea Lately” (and at least one alleged sex tape).

Hump Day Hottie: Debrahlee Lorenzana

Hump Day Hottie: Debrahlee Lorenzana

Is this Puerto Italiarican stunner too hot for corporate America? You can bank on it.

Hump Day Hottie: Capri Anderson

Hump Day Hottie: Capri Anderson

Did Charlie Sheen pay lovely Capri to have sex with him in New York’s Plaza Hotel? Hell, wouldn’t you?

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Some Big News About Breasts

Some Big News About Breasts

Something big is happening in the world of breast research. Really big. Super-duper big. Are you ready for this?

The 12 Douchiest Things PR People Do

The 12 Douchiest Things PR People Do

Dear public relations professionals: These 12 popular PR moves are incredibly douchey and annoying. Please stop doing them. Love, writers everywhere.

Take the Chat-Status Personality Test

Take the Chat-Status Personality Test

Your online chat status tells the world far more than you realize. Dr. Smartass explains what your instant messaging settings say about your personality.

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

You can now earn Foursquare badges for getting STD tests, so why stop there? eSarcasm is proud to offer a new line of Foursquare sex badges, including the SlutScout and the Back Door Master.

The iDress: An eSarcasm Endorsement

The iDress: An eSarcasm Endorsement

An Australian clothing company has come out with a new dress made specifically for holding iPads. We felt compelled to share some thoughts on this delightful innovation.

eSarcasm Exclusive: Interview With Ardi, the First Human

eSarcasm Exclusive: Interview With Ardi, the First Human

Humanity’s oldest ancestor, 4.4-million-year-old Ardi, talks about what it’s like to be the world’s first hip hop diva, and reveals the real reasons why men walk upright.

Logo-a-Gogo: 10 New Tech Company Logos Revealed

Logo-a-Gogo: 10 New Tech Company Logos Revealed

MySpace isn’t the only big site with a new logo. AOL, Microsoft, Google, and Apple are all furiously rebranding themselves for a new and largely blank generation. An eSarcasm exclusive.