Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

This Just In: Beautiful Women Are Hazardous to Your Health

This Just In: Beautiful Women Are Hazardous to Your Health

A new study concludes that being forced to hang around gorgeous women does bad things to men. Where can we sign up for one of those studies?

The State of the American Schlong

The State of the American Schlong

How do men measure up across America? Dr. Smartass details a rare study that breaks down the average size of the prize from state to state.

EXCLUSIVE: Hands-On With Microsoft’s Windows TV

EXCLUSIVE: Hands-On With Microsoft’s Windows TV

Microsoft’s ready to take the set-top market by storm — or at least by gentle rainshower. Here’s a sneak peek at the company’s exciting new Windows TV device.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Formal Offer: We Would Like to Buy Palm

Formal Offer: We Would Like to Buy Palm

Well, kiddos, this is it: eSarcasm’s hitting the big time. Yep, we’re about to buy Palm and become a massive corporation. Assuming they accept our offer, that is.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Anne Hathaway

Hump Day Hottie: Anne Hathaway

The former Disney star is slated to be the next Catwoman. Get ready to be scratched.

Hump Day Hottie: Erin McNaught

Hump Day Hottie: Erin McNaught

This Canberra beauty is Australian for ‘unbelievably hot’

Hump Day Hottie: Alicia Silverstone

Hump Day Hottie: Alicia Silverstone

Call us clueless, but we’ll always have a crush on Alicia

Hump Day Hottie: Lauren Mayhew

Hump Day Hottie: Lauren Mayhew

Meet lovely Lauren, future queen of the wrestling scene.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

A World Without Microsoft

A World Without Microsoft

From better access to boobies to more annoying infomercials, the world would be a drastically different place had Microsoft never come around.

Quiz: Are You an Apple or an Android Fanboy?

Quiz: Are You an Apple or an Android Fanboy?

Forget the old Microsoft vs. Apple feud — the bigger battle these days is between Apple and Android. So which kind of fanboy are you? Take this 20-question quiz to find out.

Inside WikiLeaks’ Super Secret ‘Thermonuclear’ File

Inside WikiLeaks’ Super Secret ‘Thermonuclear’ File

WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange has threatened to unleash more classifed data if he is harmed. But why wait? We’ve got the skinny on secrets even that asshole has yet to reveal.

Smells Like Geek Spirit

Smells Like Geek Spirit

Sony’s started spraying retail stores with the scents of vanilla, mandarin, and bourbon — and it’s not the only tech giant playing with the power of aroma.

Get Ready for the Wal-Mart Computer Experience

Get Ready for the Wal-Mart Computer Experience

From its impossibly bright color scheme to its mullet-sporting virtual assistant Clipford, the Wal-Mart Computer Experience is expected to be a hit with shoppers nationwide.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

‘Everyone Loves AT&T’ and Other Ridiculous Research

‘Everyone Loves AT&T’ and Other Ridiculous Research

If you believe some recent research claiming most customers actually love AT&T, you’ll probably believe these equally absurd studies compiled by our own Dr. Smartass, too.