Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Are You a Sexsomniac?

Are You a Sexsomniac?

If there’s one title worth listing on your resumé, “sexsomniac” might be it. Dr. Smartass looks into what’s arguably the oddest (and most unintentionally slutty) medical condition known to man.

Breaking: Google in Discussions to Acquire eSarcasm for $50 or More

Breaking: Google in Discussions to Acquire eSarcasm for $50 or More

The search giant is once again in talks to engulf and devour eSarcasm in a deal valued at nearly three figures, sources report. An eSarcasm exclusive.

How Sluts are Saving the Species

How Sluts are Saving the Species

The next time you see a girl in a tight shirt and short skirt, you should stop and say thank you — but not for the reason you might expect. Dr. Smartass explains.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

When Boinking Goes Bonkers: The 10 Strangest Sexual Fetishes

When Boinking Goes Bonkers: The 10 Strangest Sexual Fetishes

You want me to do what?! From fondling trees to fellating robots, Dr. Smartass delves into 10 of the strangest sexual fetishes around.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Georgia Salpa

Hump Day Hottie: Georgia Salpa

This lovely Irish lass makes us green with envy.

Video: Google-China Negotiations Hit Impasse

Video: Google-China Negotiations Hit Impasse

We have obtained secret footage of last-ditch negotiations between the Beijing government and Google officials, trying to stave off a confrontation (but sadly failing).

Hump Day Hottie: Olivia Munn

Hump Day Hottie: Olivia Munn

Munn for all and all for Munn. Olivia we O-lovya.

Hump Day Hottie: Rhea Durham

Hump Day Hottie: Rhea Durham

Heaven must be missing an angel. Fortunately, heavenly Rhea can be found right here.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Chart: The Truth About Twitter’s Traffic

Chart: The Truth About Twitter’s Traffic

Despite reports that Twitter’s traffic is flatlining, a new study says 27 million tweets are being sent every day. So what gives? Here’s a breakdown.

ICANN Locks Itself In Bathroom With .XXX, Refuses to Come Out

ICANN Locks Itself In Bathroom With .XXX, Refuses to Come Out

Governing body says it needs more time to research creating a new domain exclusively for online porn. Can it please just get some privacy? Is that too much to ask?

The Truth About Tech, Sex, and Love

The Truth About Tech, Sex, and Love

Technology is changing the way we love, lust, and even thrust. Dr. Smartass checks out two saucy new studies to see how our attitudes (and assitudes) are shifting.

The Dark Side of Texting

The Dark Side of Texting

Before you open that next text from your special someone, you may want to read what Dr. Smartass discovered.

Take the Chat-Status Personality Test

Take the Chat-Status Personality Test

Your online chat status tells the world far more than you realize. Dr. Smartass explains what your instant messaging settings say about your personality.

How About an App With That Crappuccino?

How About an App With That Crappuccino?

Starbucks sucks — and so do its iPhone apps. Here are 10 better ways for Apple fanboys to wake up and smell the overpriced, poorly roasted coffee.

Quiz: Are You a Total Tech Douchebag?

Quiz: Are You a Total Tech Douchebag?

Alert! Alert! Tech douchebaggery levels are reaching all-time highs. So how much of a total tech douche are you? Take our highly scientific quiz to find out.