Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Yes, Virginia, Geeks Are Better in Bed

Yes, Virginia, Geeks <i>Are</i> Better in Bed

Defying all expectations, technology professionals were voted the best lovers in a UK poll. Why? Because their tools are rechargeable.

That Chick From Hanson to Test New Gender-Sensing Technology

That Chick From Hanson to Test New Gender-Sensing Technology

Following a brief hiatus from public life, that chick from Hanson has announced she will take part in a groundbreaking demonstration of new gender-sensing technology.

20 Tweets Bill Gates Hasn’t Sent Yet (But Probably Will)

20 Tweets Bill Gates Hasn’t Sent Yet (But Probably Will)

The world’s geekiest billionaire has finally signed onto Twitter. What’s he going to tell the world? We have a few ideas.







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eSarcasm Spotlight

Chart: The Truth About Twitter’s Traffic

Chart: The Truth About Twitter’s Traffic

Despite reports that Twitter’s traffic is flatlining, a new study says 27 million tweets are being sent every day. So what gives? Here’s a breakdown.

Quickies

iToons: A Different Kind of Death Grip

iToons: A Different Kind of Death Grip

As many young men have learned, smartphones aren’t the only things that suffer when gripped too firmly.

Hump Day Hottie: Laura Michelle Prestin

Hump Day Hottie: Laura Michelle Prestin

Swimsuit model blends the best of east and west — and every other direction on the compass.

Hump Day Hottie: Carla Gugino

Hump Day Hottie: Carla Gugino

Cast your eyes on the lovely Carla G. Then try to get some work done. We dare you.

Hump Day Hottie: Megan Fox (again)

Hump Day Hottie: Megan Fox (again)

Strangely, some people don’t believe Megan Fox is the hottest woman on earth. Some people are out of their fucking minds.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple isn’t stopping with Woolworths, it seems: The company is now suing God over the similarity between the apple fruit and its own apple-based logo.

Craigslist Cleaned Up: Inside the New Adult Services

Craigslist Cleaned Up: Inside the New Adult Services

Craigslist cleaned up its adult service offerings to curb the blatant sale of sex online. So is the new approach really working? eSarcasm investigates.

This Aol! Story Has Been Brought to You by the Borg

This Aol! Story Has Been Brought to You by the Borg

Aol! is building a Web filled with news articles composed by soulless software. eSarcasm gets up close and algorithmical with the brains behind its Seed project.

China’s Free Speech Guarantee: The Annotated Version

China’s Free Speech Guarantee: The Annotated Version

In a newly published document, China’s leaders claim they fully support free speech on the Internet. Um, right. We thought their statement could use a few clarifications.

eSarcasm in Late-Stage Negotiations to Acquire TechCrunch

eSarcasm in Late-Stage Negotiations to Acquire TechCrunch

Yes, TC is apparently for sale, and we’re apparently buying them. Even we can’t keep these things straight.

10 Fatal Flaws With the Internet Kissing Machine

10 Fatal Flaws With the Internet Kissing Machine

It sounds like a lonely geek’s dream, but the newly unveiled Internet make-out machine isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. An eSarcasm exclusive investigation.

The Best & the Brightest: The eSarcasm 50

The Best & the Brightest: The eSarcasm 50

Screw Michael Arrington and his TechCrunch 50. The hottest tech startups shared their throbbing demo love at eSarc50. Meet the winners: HipHype, TwitWit, and the SuckMaster 5000.