Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple isn’t stopping with Woolworths, it seems: The company is now suing God over the similarity between the apple fruit and its own apple-based logo.

Pope Announces New Catholics-Only Social Network

Pope Announces New Catholics-Only Social Network

Christened ‘Gracebook,’ the holy social network plans to bring Facebook to its knees. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Penises vs. Breasts: There’s a Map for That

Penises vs. Breasts: There’s a Map for That

Which country has the spongiest funbags and meatiest mantoys? It’s no longer a mystery, thanks to the miracle of modern mapping.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

The Hottest Geeks on the Planet

The Hottest Geeks on the Planet

Who are the sexiest geeks? Here’s your chance to decide. eSarcasm serves up seven of the hottest nerds on Earth. Vote early and often for your faves.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Hayden Panettiere

Hump Day Hottie: Hayden Panettiere

Our favorite TV Hero is now a Scream queen on the big screen. My, how she’s grown.

Hump Day Hottie: Peyton List

Hump Day Hottie: Peyton List

Need more reasons to watch Mad Men? Here’s number one on our List

Hump Day Hottie: Christina Aguilera

Hump Day Hottie: Christina Aguilera

Even if she’s not very good, the star of ‘Burlesque’ has still got the goods.

iToons: Facebook’s ‘Like’ Button Is Taking Over the World

iToons: Facebook’s ‘Like’ Button Is Taking Over the World

We get what Facebook’s trying to do with the universal “Like” button, but this latest placement may be taking things just a little too far.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Those Hips Don’t Lie: Her Butt and Her Brain

Those Hips Don’t Lie: Her Butt and Her Brain

News flash: There’s more to her derriere than meets the eye. Dr. Smartass dives into some surprising science behind the behind.

ICANN Locks Itself In Bathroom With .XXX, Refuses to Come Out

ICANN Locks Itself In Bathroom With .XXX, Refuses to Come Out

Governing body says it needs more time to research creating a new domain exclusively for online porn. Can it please just get some privacy? Is that too much to ask?

Michael Bolton to Release ‘Worst Of’ Retrospective

Michael Bolton to Release ‘Worst Of’ Retrospective

Bolton to revisit embarrassingly bad songs as part of compilation for new Amazon music-streaming service; Phil Collins reportedly in talks as well.

The Secret to a Sexy Profile Picture

The Secret to a Sexy Profile Picture

What you don’t know about your profile picture could hurt you. Dr. Smartass lays bare what men and women really want to see when it comes to self-promoting snapshots.

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

What do flaming Care Bears, ninnyhammers, and parakeets with intestinal problems have in common? They’re all disturbing — yet real — Google Trends.

Scientists Solve Mystery of How Cats Drink Without Getting Wet

Scientists Solve Mystery of How Cats Drink Without Getting Wet

Scientists have finally uncovered the answer to one of nature’s most elusive mysteries. And it’s a lot simpler than you think.

The Best Way to Break Up

The Best Way to Break Up

Breaking up isn’t easy, but Dr. Smartass has some science-tested steps to make it sting a little less. (He told us they were science-tested, anyway — to be honest, we’re not fully convinced.)