Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Internet Explorer 6 Found Brutally Murdered

Internet Explorer 6 Found Brutally Murdered

Microsoft’s Internet Explorer 6 browser has been found brutally murdered, police confirm. The browser had been the target of malicious attacks for years.

What Kind of a Total Facebook Knob Are You?

What Kind of a Total Facebook Knob Are You?

Sure, spamming out Facebook quizzes seems like fun — until you end up friendless and alone. Are you quizzing your friends to the point of no return? Take this Facebook quiz to find out.

Google Decides ‘Screw It, Let’s Just Be Evil’

Google Decides ‘Screw It, Let’s Just Be Evil’

More than a decade after issuing its famous “Don’t be evil” directive, Google decides to go all in with Satan. Their new corporate motto? We Own Your Ass.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Help, I’ve Just Been Psychologically Profiled on Twitter

Help, I’ve Just Been Psychologically Profiled on Twitter

A recently launched service claims to create psychological profiles based purely on what you tweet. We put it to the test — and may be checking into the nearest asylum as a result.

Quickies

iToons: Meet Microsoft’s ‘Christmas Screen of Death’

iToons: Meet Microsoft’s ‘Christmas Screen of Death’

What better way to say “happy holidays” than with a Christmas-themed death screen from Microsoft?

Hump Day Hottie: Alicia Rountree-Wilson

Hump Day Hottie: Alicia Rountree-Wilson

The Number One argument for marrying the boss’s daughter: Alicia Rountree-Wilson

Hump Day Hottie: Olivia Wilde

Hump Day Hottie: Olivia Wilde

Fuck leprechauns, four leaf clovers, and pots of gold. This Wilde Irish rose is our St. Patty’s Day treat.

Hump Day Hottie: Jimena Navarrete

Hump Day Hottie: Jimena Navarrete

Meet Miss Universe 2010, another excellent argument for relaxing immigration restrictions

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

Today’s trending Twitter topic: The hashtag #bootycallrules. Yes, there are strict rules for this sort of thing — and you better memorize them if you ever want to hit that.

22 Things We Don’t Give a Rat’s Ass About

22 Things We Don’t Give a Rat’s Ass About

We tried, honest we did. But we just don’t give a damn about white iPhones, 4G networks, Windows Phone 7, or how much hair Christine O’Donnell has on her nether bits. Sorry.

Scientists Solve Mystery of How Cats Drink Without Getting Wet

Scientists Solve Mystery of How Cats Drink Without Getting Wet

Scientists have finally uncovered the answer to one of nature’s most elusive mysteries. And it’s a lot simpler than you think.

The Best Way to Break Up

The Best Way to Break Up

Breaking up isn’t easy, but Dr. Smartass has some science-tested steps to make it sting a little less. (He told us they were science-tested, anyway — to be honest, we’re not fully convinced.)

10 Fun Ways to Get on AT&T’s Bad Side

10 Fun Ways to Get on AT&T’s Bad Side

AT&T doesn’t like people e-mailing its CEO — but it doesn’t stop there. eSarcasm has identified 10 other actions that’ll have AT&T’s legal team up your ass in a hurry.

Help, I’ve Just Been Psychologically Profiled on Twitter

Help, I’ve Just Been Psychologically Profiled on Twitter

A recently launched service claims to create psychological profiles based purely on what you tweet. We put it to the test — and may be checking into the nearest asylum as a result.

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

What do flaming Care Bears, ninnyhammers, and parakeets with intestinal problems have in common? They’re all disturbing — yet real — Google Trends.