Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

This Brassiere Could Save Your Life

This Brassiere Could Save Your Life

The Emergency Bra doesn’t merely lift, shape, and support, it may also save your life in case of a gas attack. Even if not, it’s certainly worth a try.

New York Times Names Michael Arrington ‘Ethics Czar’

New York Times Names Michael Arrington ‘Ethics Czar’

TechCrunch editor to drag newspaper kicking and screaming into the morally flexible, douchebag-friendly world of Ethics 2.0

Four Hot iPhone Apps for Bro’s and Ho’s

Four Hot iPhone Apps for Bro’s and Ho’s

Pepsi apologized for releasing a ‘sexist’ iPhone app after feminists howled. We say, bring it on. If you liked AMP UP, you’ll love Ho-B-gone, iPhat, and Femi-none.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

Christmas Cards of the Rich and Geeky

Christmas Cards of the Rich and Geeky

Ever wonder what tech celebs print in their personal Christmas cards? Well, today’s your lucky day: We’ve gotten our hands on holiday greetings from Jobs, Ballmer, and 7 other famous geeks.

Quickies

iToons: It’s Not the Size of Your Tweet That Counts

iToons: It’s Not the Size of Your Tweet That Counts

Listen, ladies — if we use the length well, even a short tweet can be very effective.

iToons: When Twitter Meets Travel

iToons: When Twitter Meets Travel

Think how much easier holiday travel would be if the airlines used Twitter’s API.

Hump Day Hottie: Alicia Silverstone

Hump Day Hottie: Alicia Silverstone

Call us clueless, but we’ll always have a crush on Alicia

Hump Day Hottie: Filippa Hamilton

Hump Day Hottie: Filippa Hamilton

We’ve totally flipped over Filippa; she’s a prize at twice her size

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

The 10 Dumbest Questions People Ask on Quora

The 10 Dumbest Questions People Ask on Quora

Of course, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people. And many of them are on Quora, the newest social media darling. What the frak is Quora? Don’t ask us.

How Do You Define Sex?

How Do You Define Sex?

Which intimate acts count as sex and which are just innocent drive-bys? Some of science’s foremost sexperts decided to search for the answer.

The State of the American Schlong

The State of the American Schlong

How do men measure up across America? Dr. Smartass details a rare study that breaks down the average size of the prize from state to state.

EXCLUSIVE: Michael Arrington to Join TMZ

EXCLUSIVE: Michael Arrington to Join TMZ

TechCrunch founder to join paparazzi site after groundbreaking MySpace interview hits the Web. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Michael Bolton to Release ‘Worst Of’ Retrospective

Michael Bolton to Release ‘Worst Of’ Retrospective

Bolton to revisit embarrassingly bad songs as part of compilation for new Amazon music-streaming service; Phil Collins reportedly in talks as well.

‘Everyone Loves AT&T’ and Other Ridiculous Research

‘Everyone Loves AT&T’ and Other Ridiculous Research

If you believe some recent research claiming most customers actually love AT&T, you’ll probably believe these equally absurd studies compiled by our own Dr. Smartass, too.

Those Hips Don’t Lie: Her Butt and Her Brain

Those Hips Don’t Lie: Her Butt and Her Brain

News flash: There’s more to her derriere than meets the eye. Dr. Smartass dives into some surprising science behind the behind.