Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Christ Renews eSarcasm Endorsement

Christ Renews eSarcasm Endorsement

eSarcasm is pleased to announce the renewed endorsement of Jesus Christ for the year 2010 A.D. “We feel like our business has been resurrected,” the site’s founders say.

World’s Largest Telescope Causing Unexpected Arousal

World’s Largest Telescope Causing Unexpected Arousal

Countless women are becoming inexplicably turned on by news of the world’s largest telescope, now set to be built in Hawaii.

Quiz: Are You an Apple or an Android Fanboy?

Quiz: Are You an Apple or an Android Fanboy?

Forget the old Microsoft vs. Apple feud — the bigger battle these days is between Apple and Android. So which kind of fanboy are you? Take this 20-question quiz to find out.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

The Best Way to Break Up

The Best Way to Break Up

Breaking up isn’t easy, but Dr. Smartass has some science-tested steps to make it sting a little less. (He told us they were science-tested, anyway — to be honest, we’re not fully convinced.)

Quickies

iToons: iConfess, iRepent

iToons: iConfess, iRepent

Apple’s iPhone has a Catholic confession app — and boy, does it ever make you pay for your sins.

iToons: Hello Playboy App, Goodbye Productivity

iToons: Hello Playboy App, Goodbye Productivity

When you get Playboy’s new iPad app, everyone will know you aren’t really pinching and zooming for the articles.

Video: Super Mario Jesus

Video: Super Mario Jesus

What would Jesus do if he were dropped into the Mushroom Kingdom? Why, he’d battle Bowser and save the princess, of course.

iToons: When Social Networking Backfires

iToons: When Social Networking Backfires

Sharing your life on social networks is great — unless, that is, you do something like this.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Leak Reveals Apple’s True Attitude Towards Media

Leak Reveals Apple’s True Attitude Towards Media

We’ve gotten our hands on yet another internal Apple memo dealing with the iPhone 4’s antenna problems and the media. It’s much worse than you think.

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

Casualties of Tech: 40 Activities Made Obsolete

With every new technological innovation, an old activity becomes outdated. From heading to the arcade to wearing a calculator watch, here are 40 things either gone or in danger of disappearing.

Introducing ‘Abstinence’: The Virtual Reality Video Game

Introducing ‘Abstinence’: The Virtual Reality Video Game

A new virtual-reality video game promises to help you practice saying no to sex. Wait a minute — what?!

22 Things We Don’t Give a Rat’s Ass About

22 Things We Don’t Give a Rat’s Ass About

We tried, honest we did. But we just don’t give a damn about white iPhones, 4G networks, Windows Phone 7, or how much hair Christine O’Donnell has on her nether bits. Sorry.

The 10 Dumbest Questions People Ask on Quora

The 10 Dumbest Questions People Ask on Quora

Of course, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people. And many of them are on Quora, the newest social media darling. What the frak is Quora? Don’t ask us.

25 Ways to Be a Total Tool on Twitter

25 Ways to Be a Total Tool on Twitter

Anyone can be annoying on Twitter, but achieving complete assclown status takes serious dedication. Here are 25 obnoxious Twitter behaviors that ought to get you banned for life.

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple isn’t stopping with Woolworths, it seems: The company is now suing God over the similarity between the apple fruit and its own apple-based logo.