Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

When Boinking Goes Bonkers: The 10 Strangest Sexual Fetishes

When Boinking Goes Bonkers: The 10 Strangest Sexual Fetishes

You want me to do what?! From fondling trees to fellating robots, Dr. Smartass delves into 10 of the strangest sexual fetishes around.

7 Simple Rules of Online Dating

7 Simple Rules of Online Dating

Hooking up with someone online doesn’t have to be difficult. Just follow these seven simple rules, and you’ll be clicking your way to climactic glory.

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

In the End, We’re All Google Whores

What do flaming Care Bears, ninnyhammers, and parakeets with intestinal problems have in common? They’re all disturbing — yet real — Google Trends.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Preposterous Product Names

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Preposterous Product Names

Care for a Portable Penetrator, or perhaps some Jussipussi with a scoop of CreaMass? Yeah…we couldn’t make this shit up if we tried.

Quickies

iToons: The Twitter-Enabled Funeral of the Future

iToons: The Twitter-Enabled Funeral of the Future

Displaying real-time tweets is all the rage at conferences these days. Taking the practice to a funeral, however, could prove mortally embarrassing.

Hump Day Hottie: Laura Michelle Prestin

Hump Day Hottie: Laura Michelle Prestin

Swimsuit model blends the best of east and west — and every other direction on the compass.

iToons: If Facebook Had Made ‘The Social Network’ Movie

iToons: If Facebook Had Made ‘The Social Network’ Movie

Had Facebook actually been behind The Social Network, the movie-viewing experience might have been a little bit different.

Video: If Yesterday’s Movies Had Today’s Smartphones…

Video: If Yesterday’s Movies Had Today’s Smartphones…

Classic movies would have been a lot different if the characters had carried smartphones. Don’t take our word for it, though: Watch this video and see for yourself.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

My Fungus, My Penis, My Legacy

My Fungus, My Penis, My Legacy

Every guy likes to think his manhood makes a lasting impression. Now, one man’s willy actually will live on in fame — and he has the fungus among us to thank.

10 Words Missing From Oxford’s Word of the Year List

10 Words Missing From Oxford’s Word of the Year List

The New Oxford American Dictionary says “unfriend” is the word of the year. We say “douchebaggery,” “iBoner,” and “twhoring” should have been considered.

To Follow or Not to Follow: A Twitter Guide

To Follow or Not to Follow: A Twitter Guide

Having trouble separating the tweeps from the creeps? Let our scrupulously researched, deeply thoughtful decision guide do the thinking for you.

The iDress: An eSarcasm Endorsement

The iDress: An eSarcasm Endorsement

An Australian clothing company has come out with a new dress made specifically for holding iPads. We felt compelled to share some thoughts on this delightful innovation.

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Baby, You AutoComplete Me

Steve Jobs is a bicycle. Sarah Palin killed Michael Jackson. People type weird shit into Google — and you need look no further than its Auto-Complete feature to get a glimpse.

The Real Color of Attraction

The Real Color of Attraction

When it comes to attraction, there’s only one color you need to remember. Dr. Smartass explains the science behind the palette of love.

Pinocchio Sex Tapes Circulating Across Net

Pinocchio Sex Tapes Circulating Across Net

A porn video featuring the star of “Shrek Forever After” with an underage Marionette is spreading across the Web. Really. Would we lie to you?