Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

iTunes Psychology: Your Playlist, Your Self

iTunes Psychology: Your Playlist, Your Self

You may not realize it, but your iTunes playlist tells people a lot about your personality. Ready to see what message your music is sending?

Swearing Makes You Feel Better, Shitty Study Finds

Swearing Makes You Feel Better, Shitty Study Finds

For the love of science, stop censoring yourself. Swearing holds the power to make you feel physically better, according to a shitty new study out of the U.K.

Double Your Entendre: 12 Unintentionally Dirty Headlines

Double Your Entendre: 12 Unintentionally Dirty Headlines

Do you have a dirty mind? If you interpret these seemingly innocent news headlines the same way we did, the answer is probably yes.

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eSarcasm Spotlight

When Schlongs Go Wrong: Small Penis, Big Problems

When Schlongs Go Wrong: Small Penis, Big Problems

Feeling down? Having a tough time making it through the day? Forget what Dr. Phil says — it might just be because of your dangle.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Grunewald

Hump Day Hottie: Sarah Grunewald

We don’t know what’s stuck to this Danish beauty’s nylons, but we want to lick them too.

Hump Day Hottie: Jenn Sterger

Hump Day Hottie: Jenn Sterger

Meet Brett Favre’s favorite email correspondent, Jenn Sterger.

iToons: If Microsoft Had Run Butterball’s Turkey Talk-Line

iToons: If Microsoft Had Run Butterball’s Turkey Talk-Line

Thanksgiving might have been a bit more confusing had Microsoft helped you cook your bird.

iToons: The Upside of iPhone Location Tracking

iToons: The Upside of iPhone Location Tracking

Steve Jobs can explain it however he wants — we all know that the iPhone is recording your every move. But hey, maybe that’s a good thing.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

7 Simple Rules of Online Dating

7 Simple Rules of Online Dating

Hooking up with someone online doesn’t have to be difficult. Just follow these seven simple rules, and you’ll be clicking your way to climactic glory.

The SexBox: 10 X-Rated Games We Want to See

The SexBox: 10 X-Rated Games We Want to See

A Silicon Valley company wants to create an adult gaming system called the SexBox. From “No Need For Speed” to “Panty Raider,” here are 10 X-rated games we hope it will offer.

Too Little Too Latex: Government Probes Condom-Free Desires

Too Little Too Latex: Government Probes Condom-Free Desires

Try this one on for size: The government is paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to research why men don’t like wearing condoms. Yes, really.

Are You a Certified Facebook Douche?

Are You a Certified Facebook Douche?

We’re launching a campaign to seek out and identify the world’s worst Certified Facebook Douches. Can you help?

What Your Username Says About You

What Your Username Says About You

A username can make or break you on the Net. So does your handle say “stud” or “dud”? Dr. Smartass has some guidelines to help you figure it out.

Are You Smarter Than a Tea Partier?

Are You Smarter Than a Tea Partier?

Just take this quiz and find out. Don’t worry, there are only 8 questions and they’re all multiple choice. Also: If you don’t, the terror — err, socialists — will win. An eSarcasm exclusive.

10 Fun Ways to Get on AT&T’s Bad Side

10 Fun Ways to Get on AT&T’s Bad Side

AT&T doesn’t like people e-mailing its CEO — but it doesn’t stop there. eSarcasm has identified 10 other actions that’ll have AT&T’s legal team up your ass in a hurry.