Fresh Off The Griddle

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Truth in Online Dating: A Translation Guide

Been burned by Match.com? Is eHarmony a bit out of tune? Let our guide help you figure out the right way to read those lonely hearts ads.

Take the Chat-Status Personality Test

Take the Chat-Status Personality Test

Your online chat status tells the world far more than you realize. Dr. Smartass explains what your instant messaging settings say about your personality.

10 Words Missing From Oxford’s Word of the Year List

10 Words Missing From Oxford’s Word of the Year List

The New Oxford American Dictionary says “unfriend” is the word of the year. We say “douchebaggery,” “iBoner,” and “twhoring” should have been considered.

This Just In: Beautiful Women Are Hazardous to Your Health

This Just In: Beautiful Women Are Hazardous to Your Health

A new study concludes that being forced to hang around gorgeous women does bad things to men. Where can we sign up for one of those studies?

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eSarcasm Spotlight

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

The Name Game: What Your Name Says About You

What’s in a name? A lot, according to some recent research. Dr. Smartass has your guide to interpreting what your name tells the world.

Quickies

Hump Day Hottie: Liskula Cohen

Hump Day Hottie: Liskula Cohen

Ah Liskula. We curse the skunk who called you ‘skank.’

iToons: When Apple Love Goes Too Far

iToons: When Apple Love Goes Too Far

Is it just us, or are some people taking the whole “Verizon iPhone = freedom” thing a little too seriously?

Hump Day Hottie: Bianca Kajlich

Hump Day Hottie: Bianca Kajlich

Meet the ex-wife of US soccer star Landon Donovan. Now we finally have a reason to pay attention to the World Cup.

iToons: Why Facebook and the Bedroom Don’t Mix

iToons: Why Facebook and the Bedroom Don’t Mix

Some places just shouldn’t have a “like” button. Trust us.

More Recent Stories

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrade Emotions: A Platform-By-Platform Analysis

Upgrades elicit different emotions for different platforms. This highly scientific chart explains the most common reactions to a new system upgrade from owners of iOS, Android, and Windows devices.

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

The 18 Commandments of the Internet Comment Troll

Internet Comment Trolls, your secrets are out! We’ve uncovered a highly confidential document detailing the rules that guide everything Internet Comment Trolls say and do. An eSarcasm exclusive.

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

NORAD Accidentally Fires on Santa

Air defense command officials say a nuclear missile narrowly avoided taking out Father Christmas this morning as he delivered toys to the children of the Far East. Google may be to blame.

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Santa Claus Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations

Beloved children’s icon vehemently denies charges that he forced elves to sit on his lap and spread their Christmas cheer. An exclusive report.

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Scientists Discover New Element Based on Michael Arrington, Apologize Profusely Afterwards

Urasium, an ignoble gas based on superheated emissions from the former TechCrunch founder, has become the 116th element in the Periodic Table. A nation of chemists mourn.

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Snowden Meets Seuss: Oh, The Places He’ll Go

Where do you go when you’re Edward Snowden? Here’s some advice from the late great Dr. Seuss.


eSarcasm Favorites

Myspace to Launch Its Own Smartphone, Sources Say

Myspace to Launch Its Own Smartphone, Sources Say

The Facebook phone may be a no-go, but another social network is building its own device. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Myspace phone.

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple Sues God, Says Fruit Too Similar to Logo

Apple isn’t stopping with Woolworths, it seems: The company is now suing God over the similarity between the apple fruit and its own apple-based logo.

Tweet It!

Tweet It!

The theme song for the Twitter-obsessed, as sung to Michael Jackson’s “Beat It.”

Characters Outraged Over Video Game Minority Report

Characters Outraged Over Video Game Minority Report

Industry insiders are fuming over a new report that finds video games don’t have enough minority characters. “Why should only white men be virtually maimed?” the Characters Union asks.

Wear a Condom, Save a Polar Bear

Wear a Condom, Save a Polar Bear

An environmental science group wants us all to have sex to help save endangered animals. This is one mission we can definitely get behind.

The State of the American Schlong

The State of the American Schlong

How do men measure up across America? Dr. Smartass details a rare study that breaks down the average size of the prize from state to state.

When Boinking Goes Bonkers: The 10 Strangest Sexual Fetishes

When Boinking Goes Bonkers: The 10 Strangest Sexual Fetishes

You want me to do what?! From fondling trees to fellating robots, Dr. Smartass delves into 10 of the strangest sexual fetishes around.